Wilfred: You're not crazier than anybody else.
Ryan: Said the dog to the man.

Innocent? He stole the jalapenos off my bagel...five times.


Without you I have no purpose. I'm nothing. It's like I don't even exist.

You think I don't have a pair of dick shears? I do.

Wilfred: Battlestar Galactica!
Ryan: What did you think of the ending?
Wilfred: Frak you Ryan!

You're not the first Wilfred, Wilfred.


This isn't a game. I need answers. Who am I? What am I?

Jenna: That's just the pain killers talking.
Drew: No it's not, Jenna-ration X.

Yeah she pet you once. Who sleeps on the bed every night?

I just watched Jenna take it in the hands from every guy in the neighborhood.

How can I compete with a purebred?

Ryan: Are you telling me you've never smelled another dog on Jenna's hands?
Wilfred: Well yeah but that's just from her pushing other dogs away.

Wilfred Season 2 Quotes

Wilfred: Do you know why dogs dig?
Ryan: Because they're searching for bones?
Wilfred: Because we're searching for truth.

It said "wake up," which is weird because I read somewhere that people can't read while they're dreaming.