Wynonna Earp Season 4 Episode 2: "Friends in Low Places" Quotes
Doc: You are here.
Eve (as Nicole): I am.
Doc: But how are you here? And, uh, why did your garments not accompany you?
Eve (as Nicole): Ahhh. Ahhhh. Oh my god, don’t look at me.
Doc: I was not.
Eve (as Nicole): Do not look at me.
Doc: I would never. Although, Sheriff Haught, I have seen many fine form women in my lifetime.
Eve (as Nicole): No, nope.
Doc: This is nothing to me. This is merely water off a duck’s back.
Eve (as Nicole): I am not a damn duck, so stop talking and find me something to wear.
Wynonna: Those things are everywhere.
Rachel: Those things used to be brilliant physicists. They were working on an interdimensional gateway.
Wynonna: To the Garden?
Rachel: Whatever it was Black Badge was trying to weaponize it. once they actually got the thing to open, BBD panicked and gassed everyone.
Wynonna: It’s the 2005 chili cook off all over again, minus the edibles I scored and riding ‘Hollaback Girl’ on repeat.
Rachel: You might be even weirder than me, and my best friend for six months has been a rat.
Rachel: The good news is they tend to stay dormant, in stasis, unless you wake them.
Wynonna: Say, with a beaver blaster?
Rachel: Is everything a sex joke to you?
Wynonna: I do try to scissor one in as often as possible.
Waverly: You’re not wearing Bulshar’s ring.
Eve (as Nicole): Yeah, I guess it’s gone now, Bulshar.
Waverly: Oh yeah, we smote that basic bish for good. Smoted? Smited?
Eve (as Nicole): Hey, did you ever think to ask him why he was trying so hard to get in here in the first place?
Waverly: I just assumed like most balding sociopaths he wanted to play god.
Eve (as Nicole): Woman, look around. God hasn’t been here for a long, long time. Yep, he hit it, then he quit it. Let humanity on red.
Waverly: Maybe we should just chill on the god talk.
Eve (as Nicole): What kind of bat-shit playground experiment for creation was this?
Waverly: You know, there was this guy when Doc and I first got here. He called this place a prison, and he sort of chopped off his own head.
Eve (as Nicole): Men, so dramatic, right?
Nicole: You’re something else, Earp.
Wynonna: I don’t ever half ass it. Hass and a half it.
Nicole: Whatever you are, you’re my ass.
Wynonna: Sheriff, I am sick and tired of listening to all the disgustingly hot premarital sex you’re having in my house.
Nicole: You’ve been listening?
Wynonna: So, let’s go make you make an honest woman out of my little sister.
Waverly: Whatever you are, Doc’s gonna kill you.
Eve (as Nicole): Save your heteronormative hero hogwash for humanity, sweetie, which incidentally I preclude by eons.
Waverly: Just say you’re old, you pretentious bitch.
Eve (as Nicole): I am a nightmare unto the world, and your cherubic little daddy died before he could teach you how to save it, from me.
Waverly: For once, I just wish we could take a demon that isn’t such a talker, you know?
Wynonna: Red, don’t let all my triceps drips go to waste.
Nicole: Ah, my leg’s broken.
Wynonna: Well, suck it up, sheriff. She needs you.
Nicole: No, Doc and Waverly need you. They need the Earp Heir. I need medical attention.
Wynonna: Don’t you dare do this to me. Not after all your guilt trips and your… your punching.
Nicole: Yeah, we do have fun, don’t we?
Wynonna: They’re almost inside. They’ll kill you.
Nicole: Not a chance. I am going to be waiting for your back in Purgatory.
Wynonna: Nicole, Nicole, I can’t… I can’t do this without you.
Nicole: Actually, only you can. It has to be you, Wynonna. It was always going to be you.
Wynonna: I know you’re probably evil. Minus the shears through your stomach, whatever you’re doing with your butt is working. You a clone? Wy-clone-a?
Eve (as Wynonna): I am Eve. I’m death.
Wynonna: Oh god? Is my voice really that annoying?
Eve (as Wynonna): I am going to flay your friends alive and strangle you with their skin.
Wynonna: Jesus, Orphan Whack. Take a Midol and a nap.
Wynonna: Mr. ‘I Am A Weapon.’ It’s me, Mr. ‘I Am Happy To See You.’
Doc: I see the shears did not fail you. Well, maybe this will.
Wynonna: What the hell, Doc? As far as reunions, go this is better than my high school, but not as good as 90210.
Doc: I demand you stop using the voice of the woman I care deeply for.
Wynonna: You care deeply for? At least I know you’re the real, emotionally constipated Doc.
Doc: And you are a fraud, a harlot.
Wynonna: That’s like your favorite thing about me.
Doc: The real Wynonna is back in Purgatory.
Wynonna: Listen, I found Nicole. She decked me. We did a road trip. We got sniped by a mouthy teen. We found and broke into an abandoned BBD facility. And then we killed a bunch of scientist mutants. But now I am here, and we have to get back there.
Doc: That is exactly what the false Wynonna would say. Your tricks are useless.
Wynonna: Tricks are for kids. We have one. Alice, remember?
Wynonna: It’s me, Doc. It’s me. I’m no deep fake; I’m real.
Doc: I cannot risk it. I swore to protect Waverly.
Wynonna: Bollywood. Our safe word.
Doc: For when private time gets too…
Wynonna: Honky tonk.
Wynonna: What did you do?
Waverly: I came home.
Wynonna: This is not your home. Your home is with me and Nicole.
Waverly: This is my destiny.
Wynonna: Doc, Jeremy, Nedley.
Waverly: I’ve always been here. I will always be here. Time is a flat circle.
Wynonna: Your ass is going to be a flat circle if you spend eternity on that thing.
Waverly: She cannot be allowed to escape. This is my duty. I am the heir.
Wynonna: Not this lukewarm shit again.
Wynonna: Waverly Earp, you need to stand your hinny up off that stone seat before it is too late.
Waverly: I am the guardian. You are the champion.
Wynonna: What we are is sisters.
Waverly: We must all submit to our destinies.
Wynonna: I’m done submitting to shit. Fine, we’ll do it the hard way. Waves, what the hell?
Waverly: You cannot undo what has been promised.
Wynonna: Right, right because promises are important. I have the ring you gave Nicole. Stand up and come with me. Give it back to her.
Waverly: Guardians of the Garden do not get to love.
Wynonna: You are not just a guardian. You are an Earp.
Waverly: She didn’t even say ‘yes.’
Wynonna: She will, baby girl. The curse is over, Waves. It’s time to start living for ourselves.
Waverly: Wynonna, help.
Wynonna: All this destiny, curse, fate, heirs of anything bullshit, it’s canceled.
Waverly: Take me home.