Now, before I get into some of your various offensive packages, I'm reminded of when my older brother Salazar took me to see a Raider game. We were so far away but to me it was like being on the field and then he sold cripe to a Charger's fan in the men's room and we used the money to go to Applebee's!

Edgar

• Permalink: Now, before I get into some of your various offensive packages, I'm reminded of when my older...
• Added: September 16, 2015

Lindsay: I need a bo-hunk. Paul is such a gump. Get this -- he told me the definition of love is putting someone else's needs above yours.
Gretchen: Ew.
Lindsay: I know!

• Permalink: I need a bo-hunk. Paul is such a gump.
• Added: September 16, 2015

Gretchen: We're adults! We can do this ourselves. Well, I know it involves vodka and tomato juice.
Jimmy: Well, we have a tomato.
Gretchen: I'm sure that's fine. Celery?
Jimmy: We have carrots.
Gretchen: Same thing, basically.
Jimmy: Mayonnaise?
Gretchen: Yeah...

• Permalink: We're adults! We can do this ourselves. Well, I know it involves vodka and tomato juice.
• Added: September 16, 2015

Lindsay: I am learning so much from this game.
Gretchen: What, that the National Air and Space Museum isn't named after some guy named Aaron Space?

• Permalink: What, that the National Air and Space Museum isn't named after some guy named Aaron Space?
• Added: September 16, 2015

Lindsay: You think I'm an unfriendly treacherous mountain?
Edgar: And I think Paul couldn't hack it.

• Permalink: And I think Paul couldn't hack it.
• Added: September 10, 2015

Paul: Do you even know what love means?
Lindsay: Yeah. I mean, it's like, "Hey, I love you. Smooch smooch. Now go get me some bagel bites."

• Permalink: Yeah. I mean, it's like, "Hey, I love you. Smooch smooch. Now go get me some bagel bites."
• Added: September 10, 2015

You're right. She's gonna hate me. I look like a young Roger Ebert.

Paul

• Permalink: You're right. She's gonna hate me. I look like a young Roger Ebert.
• Added: September 10, 2015

I'm having a blast. Yeah, I'm peeing blood. And I briefly forgot the word for telephone.

Jimmy

• Permalink: I'm having a blast. Yeah, I'm peeing blood. And I briefly forgot the word for telephone.
• Added: September 10, 2015

If I don't get a night off soon, I think my liver is gonna slide out of my body, you know?

Gretchen

• Permalink: If I don't get a night off soon, I think my liver is gonna slide out of my body, you know?
• Added: September 10, 2015

Gretchen: Who knows their address?
Jimmy: People. Kidnapped children. This dog I saw on Dateline who rides the bus to the park.

• Permalink: People. Kidnapped children. This dog I saw on Dateline who rides the bus to the park.
• Added: September 10, 2015

Jimmy: Well you guys have very funny things in your vocabulary as well.
Gretchen: Oh yeah, like what?
Jimmy: "American exceptionalism."
Gretchen: Oh, former colony burn.

• Permalink: Oh, former colony burn.
• Added: September 10, 2015