Charisma Carpenter Quotes
Cordelia: Harmony, shut up! Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep.
Harmony: I'm not a sheep.
Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are because I'm not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.
[She walks away with Xander]
Xander: What could she possibly see in him?
Cordelia: Excuse me?! We didn’t come here to talk about Willow. We came here to do things I can never tell my father about because he stills thinks I’m a...good girl.
Xander: I just don't trust Oz with her. I mean, he's a senior. He's attractive. Okay, maybe not to me, but...and he's in a band. And we know what kind of element that attracts.
Cordelia: I've dated lots of guys in bands.
[He nods]
Xander: Thank you.
Xander: So, you’re going...and...and...and...I’m going. Should we maybe go?
Cordelia: Why?
Xander: This thing with us, despite our better judgement, it keeps happening. Maybe we should just admit that we're dating?
Cordelia: Groping in a broom closet isn't dating. You don't call it a date until the guy spends money.
Xander: Fine. I'll spend, then we'll grope. Whatever. I just think it’s some kind of whack that we have to hide from all of our friends.
Xander: How are you guys doing?
Willow: Did I really hit you?
Xander: You knocked me out.
Cordelia: Did I hit you?
Xander: Yes. Everyone hit me.
Cordelia: Good. Well, I don't mean good because I hit you, but I didn't want to be left out.
Mr. Whitmore: It’s often difficult to imagine that there are negative consequences for having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence?
[Cordelia raises her hand]
Cordelia: Well that depends, are you talking about sex in the car or out of the car? Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miatta parked at the top of the hill and kicked the gear shift...”
Mr. Whitmore: I was thinking of something a little more common place, Ms. Chase.
[Xander raises his hand]
Xander: You want to talk about negative consequence. What about the heartbreak of halitosis? I mean, a girl may seem spiffy but if she ignores her flossing, the bloom is definitely off the rose.
[Cordelia raises her hand]
Cordelia: Like that compares to kissing a guy who thinks the hoover technique is a big turn on?
Xander: What about having to feign interest in her vapid little chitchat just so you can get some touch?
Mr. Whitemore: Now! Another consequence of having sexual activity. Anyone...else?
[Willow raises her hand]
Willow: How about pregnancy? That would be a major one, right?
Mr. Whitmore: Thank you, Ms. Rosenberg!
Xander: Whatcha got in the closet, Ted?
[He opens the door]
Xander: Let's go.
Cordelia: But we need evidence
Xander: We got it.
Willow: What's in there?
Xander: His first four wives.
Cordelia: I can't believe that I'm stuck spending what will probably be my last few moments on earth here with you!
Xander: I hope these are my last moments. Three more seconds with you and I'm gonna...
Cordelia: “I'm gonna” what? Coward!
Xander: Moron!
Cordelia: I hate you!
Xander: I hate you!
[They kiss]
Xander: We so need to get out of here.
Cordelia: Uh huh. [She nods]
Cordelia: I can’t even believe you. You drag me out of bed for a ride? What am I...mass transportation?
Xander: That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker room talk. I wouldn't pay it any mind.
Cordelia: Oh great, now I’m your taxi and your punching bag.
Xander: I like to think of you as my “witless foil” but have it your way.
Willow: Okay, you guys stay here while I get some help. If something tries to get in, just fight it off.
Buffy: Well, it's not our place to fight. Surely some men will protect us?
Cordelia: What's that riff?
Willow: it's like amnesia, okay? They don't know who they are. Just sit tight.
Cordelia: Who died and made her boss?
[Willow walks through a wall]
Buffy: Angel’s a vampire. I thought you knew.
Cordelia: Oh, he’s a vampire. Of course, but the cuddly kind...like a “care bear with fangs”?
Willow: It’s true.
Cordelia: You know what I think. I just think you’re trying to scare me off because you’re afraid of the competition. Look Buffy, you might be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I’m the Slayer.
[She walks away]
Cordelia: The deal is they need you to go. And if you don’t go, I can’t. And I’m talking about Richard Anderson. Okay, as in “Anderson Farms”...”Anderson Aeronautics”...and “Anderson Cosmetics.”
[She fake cries]
Cordelia: Well, you see why I have to go! Buffy, these men are rich and I’m not being shallow. Think about all the poor people I can help with all my money.
Buffy: I’ll go...
Cordelia: You’ll go? Great! I’ll drive. Oh Buffy, it’s like we’re sisters...with really different hair.
Cordelia: Come on, Richard and his fraternity brother wanna meet you.
Buffy: Well, I don't really wanna meet any fraternity boys.
Cordelia: And if there was a God, don't you think he'd keep it that way?
