I thought pushing that woman's head through a jukebox would make me feel better, but I'm just out $54...and a marriage.

Shirley

Annie: Shirley, I'm speaking for both you and me.
Shirley: Then you might want to teach your mouth to say "we," "our," and "us."

Shirley: Is this a bad time?
Dean Pelton (speaking as Jeff): I'm at Greendale, stuck in the body of a man who could be Gollum, so yeah, I'd say it's half past suck.

What happened is between us and Jesus. And Jesus don't snitch.

Shirley

Shirley: See? Prayer works.
Britta: So does gravity, Shirley.
Shirley: And you know who invented gravity, right?

I believe that the good Lord made Chang, Chang. Kevin is a choice.

Shirley

Pierce: Let's carve that jive turkey.
Shirley: Got that out of your system?

Community Quotes

Jeff: Everyone on this campus is nuts
Leonard [in pool]: Not me!
Jeff: Oh come on Leonard, if you're going to argue with me, put on a bathing suit
Leonard: Busted

I've loved you since there was only one Soviet Union and one Damon Wayans.

Andre