Zooey Deschanel Quotes
Jess: I didn't really know your dad, except for that one hour when I committed fraud with him.
Nick: That's all there is to know.
Jess: This is where Nick Miller grew up.
Nick: Except for the fall of '88 and the spring of '89--that was our "van year."
When did you become a Bond villain who can't afford to not live with roommates?
Jess
Just remember, you caught him pleasuring himself to a mail-order steak catalog.
Jess
What happened to guys in this bar? Did they open a bus station next door?
Jess
I wish I knew what was going on in Nick's head. He's like a...grumpy mystery.
Jess
Ten years? You guys are like Bert and Ernie.
Jess
If somebody walked in here and saw us, they'd be like, "Look at these two totally normal roommates. I bet they never sucked face." But we did. You sucked my face.
Jess
Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis.
Schmidt
Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.
Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!
