Taxi driver: Woah woah woah. Did you hit her?
Lily: [laughs] Hit me? Please! This guy can barely spank me in bed for fun. He's all like "Oh, honey, did that hurt?" and I'm all like, "C'mon, let me have it, ya pansy!" [aside, softer] Wow. Complete Stranger.

Rating: 4.0 / 5.0 (1 Vote)
Lily Aldrin
How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot"
How I Met Your Mother
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How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 1 Quotes

Barney [playing laser tag, on phone with Ted]: Hey, loser. How's not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome! [kid fires at Barney as he runs by] Oh, I killed you, Conner! Don't make me get your mom!
Ted: Hey, listen, I need your help on something.
Barney: Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up!

Ted: You know what? I'm done being single, I'm not good at it. Look, obviously you can't tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can't. I'll tell you something though, if a woman, not you, just some hypothetical woman, were to bear with me through all this, I think I'd make a damn good husband, because that's the stuff I'd be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father and walking her five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser...
Robin: Everyone thinks they're a good kisser.
Ted: Oh, I've got references