"Racial Sensitivity"

Lem discovers that the company's new sensor system doesn't detect him or the other black people in the office. Ted goes on a man date with Linda's new boyfriend, Don.

"Through Rose-Colored HAZMAT Suits"

When Ted's babysitter is sick, he brings Rose to work with him. Someone is setting off false alarms at work causing everyone to wear HAZMAT suits.


Ted and his scientists work on a cow-less meat that's grown in a lab.

Ted Crisp, VP of R&D at Veridian Dynamics, has to convince his scientist, Phil, to freeze himself.

Better Off Ted Quotes

Okay, people, we need to turn this simple festive gourd into a killer. I've asked Dr. Bamba to take a look at how Nature does it, because Nature is a fantastic killer of things


Veronica: We want to weaponize a pumpkin.
Ted: Then so do I. Because?
Veronica: There's a country with whom we do business that grows a great deal of pumpkins and would welcome additional uses for them. As well as cheaper ways to kill their enemies.
Ted: Well, finally the pumpkin gets to do something besides Halloween.
Veronica: Pie.
Ted: Halloween and pie