Peter, Joe, and Quagmire are all hanging out, when Joe reveals that he stole the student ID from an uppity Harvard student that he pulled over. So, they decide to go party at Harvard, and eventually end up spending a drunken night in Boston. When they get home the next morning, Quagmire discovers that he’s married to a wrinkled old prostitute named Charmese.

Their relationship doesn’t quite work out all that well as Quagmire is disguested by her. However, when he tries to get a divorce, Joe warns that it has to be a no-fault one, as if the woman doesn’t consent to it, then she can basically get all of the man’s possessions thanks to Quahog’s divorce laws. So Quagmire tries to act distant and withhold sex from Charmese, but she says she’ll only divorce Quagmire if he’s gay. He claims he is, but when she walks in on him watching straight porn, she says she’ll only grant the divorce if he has sex with someone while she watches. So Quagmire tries to convince Peter to have sex with him, which he agrees to, but when they try to do it, it goes poorly, which Charmese recognizes as a sign that Quagmire really wanted out, so she agrees to grant the divorce to him.