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Once again we start the show with Abby watching Today's Talk with Kathie Lee and Hoda. Hoda is shocked to hear Abby say she sometimes wishes her husband dead. Kathie Lee says we all think that sometimes. You're just not supposed to say it.

Abby wakes Jake up on the couch. Time to act normal!

Abby heads to the office. She's greeted by someone she never net. Her editor of 15 years, Kat, stepped back after the debacle. The book tour? Cancelled. Barnes & Noble can't sell a book nobody believes in. The young chickie suggests rehab. Everyone is forgiven after rehab.

Abby and Jake tour an apartment. A very white apartment, with big walls. Nope. Damn. Paul Adelstein's pants are waayyyy tight! Hello there! He learns she lost her book tour because of her psychotic break, as he calls it. They can no longer. Abby hopes they're going to keep things as positive as they can and find him something great; as a team. Abby gets a text from what appears to be the guy she had her thing with. He misses her and won't stop until she replies.

Abby shares with Lyla and Phoebe Nate has started texting her again. Lyla doesn't think it would be a bad idea, but Abby is out.

Lyla's son is obsessed with the possibility of water wars and drought.

Abby says she and Jake are trying to keep it together for the kids, despite the fact he's sleeping with 1989 CW Becca.

Flash to Jake and Becca. Having sex. He's not going to last more than six minutes if she tells him to look at her.

Becca got a poster for Lilly and wonders if she knows they're dating. He talks about his lack of work. Becca doesn't want him to go back to camera operating because his movie didn't even make it to video. He took care of everything while Abby built her career.

Gwyneth is hosting a baby shower and they've been invited. G saw what happened to Abby and agrees.

It's time to talk divorce attorneys. Abby and Jake made a verbal agreement 17 years ago that if anything like this happened they would be fair. No, it's not in writing.

Lyla scoops up Eric and Spencer to leave. Outside? No car, but there's a note. Dan's attorney got the DUI report.

Dan's just taking the car out and parking it in handicapped zones, getting ticket after ticket. He sends her the last text. Bitch on Wheels is painted on the side of the car. He's sitting with his dominatrix to get his sack in order. She's whipping him into shape.

Jake is at the kids' baseball game. Charlie isn't teh best player. He's talking to his brother in law Max. He's pretty firmly on Jake's side.

Lyla had her assistant fill out and submit 40 applications to restaurants for Dan. Yes, he says into the phone, he agrees he's overqualified for Chilis.

Max is now with Abby, training her. He apologizes about the remark about being beat up. He introduced Jake and Abby and he just loves them. He really wants them to stay together and hopes the mediator thinks so, too.

When Phoebe calls to ask Abby to dinner, alone, Abby tells Jake about Phoebe's kiss. She was really soft and she smelled really good, but for better or worse, she's all about dick.

Phoebe is a model.

Abby gets to the restaurant and finds out Phoebe is setting her up. She's wrong! Phoebe apologizes for being such a lezzy drunk. She's introducing Abby to Delia, her divorce lawyer!

Delia doesn't think much about mediation. They fleece the earner, who often feels bad about what's happening. Abby sticks up for Jake. She says she's been lucky but Delia tells her she's strong. It's not natural for women to have the power for too long. She can't be going to a war with a water pistol. It's an upsetting conversation for Abby.

At school, Lyla and Dan are walking out and Dan's dominatrix is at the car. She looks like Cha Cha from Grease. She wants him to get a job. He's riding on the "once promising chef" title he once won. It's a lifetime ago, she says.

Nate is at the school and ho ho! It's C. Thomas Howell! He's pretty funny, really. He says exactly what Abby wants to hear. He's married, too. It makes her guilty. He's happy for her. She's free. But Jake spies them and she doesn't feel free.

Phoebe is having sex with her ex, Ralf, again. She's talking about her business and what it will be. "Daddy" pays her with a diamond tennis bracelet. He says he's sure she'll find another sucker to marry her any day now. That's not what she wants to hear.

Abby's housekeeper, Rosa, thinks she's going to be fired. Abby assures her she's not. She says she and Jake are still family, just a different kind of family. Abby realizes the far ranging effects a divorce has on everyone around her.

In Lilly's room is displayed a poster of "Sisters," Becca's show. One day she may even be able to meet her. That's special, Abby replies.

Lyla is parked in the dominatrix's chair. She admits they're both very good at bringing people to their knees. She wants to make her an offer she cannot refuse.

Abby and Jake are at mediation. Abby can't believe they have to determine the kids' diets and doctor's appointments in writing, but Abby wants the kids to continue to be raised Jewish and have Shabbat together every week. He wonders why they wouldn't be. You know -- his mother wasn't born a Jew. Jake agrees he didn't get the magic blood and the fights flare up.

Abby and Charlie are playing Legos when Jake gets home. She apologizes, telling him he's a full Jew.

Jake isn't wearing his wedding ring anymore and says it's not his business what she does with Nate, not anymore.

They agree to make mediation as good as it can be and Shabbat with the kids is a good idea. Abby offers to take the couch for a night. She never expected him to accept.

Lyla admits Gwyneth is a client. Abby and Phoebe got the same gift for the baby and Phoebe decides to give away her tennis bracelet.

The woman having the baby truly does have a mouth drawn downward. Lyla is helping the dominatrix with her artisanal stationery business. She's helping a sex worker better her life.

Phoebe chopped up the bracelet to make it baby sized. Lyla say, "you gave the baby whore jewelry." As they're talking about it Becca comes in as if she's walking on sunshine in a yellow dress. Abby walks out.

At the dominatrix's place, Dan wonders if he's there on the wrong day. Hasn't he been a good slave?

Becca approaches Abby. Gwyneth used to babysit her when she was kid. She wishes her parents had been as mature when they split up. She then tells Abby Jake signed a lease at the Paradiso today. NOW Abby needs to leave.

Phoebe meets a friend who creates Jewelry. She wants to start a line with her friend creating it. Infant Fabuleux. She whips out her jewels.

Dan has the kids at a restaurant. Every card he has has been declined. They can take a check..

Dan and Lyla have it out. She told him not to provoke her, but he says she plays to hurt. She should have never had kids. He's going to sue for full custody. How's that for dramatic. Not with a dominatrix, he's not. He also did drive drunk; being caught may have been her fault, but he got behind the wheel.

Abby wants Jake out. They argue. It's horrible. Only after she suggests he hire a lawyer does he admit he already has.

Abby makes the call to Delia. She's crying, but wants to retain her services. In his car, Jake also wants to get the names of some divorce lawyers.

They still have Shabbat as a family.


Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce
Episode Number:

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce Season 1 Episode 2 Quotes

It was an emotional affair, we did not even kiss and I am not going to go there because a lot of people got hurt.


Jake: You really wished I was dead, huh?
Abby: Not literally....
Jake: [laughs]
Abby: You know I was on like Oxy or something. Lyla put it in my mouth.