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Phil tried to scare Claire with the old knife to the chest trick. He failed miserably, but she scored when she began talking to him about the myriad ways he could kill himself.

Luke tries the "my girlfriend's pregnant" trick, and Phil shouts his disapproval immediately. Claire, on the other hand, is quite logical. "Phil, she's our age. If she were really pregnant, it would be on the news. Good one."

When Alex says she's going to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Phil says he has to take Claire. THAT will scare her!

Mitch and Cam are going to the big Halloween Carnival like they used to when they were young and childless.

Manny is in a one-man show about Sigmund Freud.

Gloria is going as the girl from Frozen.

Jay is excited to share the discontinued Fudgy Duddy candy bar.

Gloria is dealing with old age -- people finally recognize her as Jay's wife.

Manny gave the Fudgy Duddy to a random trick or treater. Jay freaks!

TCM sold out weeks ago, but the movie dude suggests the scary Japanese film. Claire sits through as if it's nothing, but Phil is scared shitless.

For every jump, Phil loses a big more popcorn.

Mitch and Cam discover that Lily is at a party supervised by older kids. Gloria decides to check Lily's Insta. Lily is with Garth, who bought deodorant when he was nine. And there is a beer in the photo!

Alex sent Creepy Craig 11 naked pictures. When her dude thinks she totally doesn't get him, he leaves.

Luke loses Janice, too. The Halloween fun he had years ago ruined her marriage and her car.

Cam and Mitch enter a maze to search for Lily. Cam passes out at the first fright.

Luke and Alex talk each other up. A fireman and a nun walk by in the restaurant setting them off.

Jay is still looking for Martha Stewart, but Manny finds Gloria instead.

A couple of Drag Queens grab Gloria to dance because she looks so gloriously young.

Jay is lamenting aging. Joe didn't want to spend Halloween with him, and there are no more Fudgy Duddys, or record stores.

Lily needs to talk about a boy not liking her, and it's finally the avenue her dads need to connect.

Phil finally got to Claire by using Ida May in the old Psycho trick. He's been planning it for an entire year.

But now, it's game on. She's excited about his twisted side and knows how they'll spend the rest of their lives.

Gloria wins the Drag Queen contest having no idea what's going on.

Modern Family
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Modern Family Season 11 Episode 5 Quotes

Cam: Mitchell? Judge... Judy!
Mitchell: Your talent. It's like you were touched by a Gayngel.

Claire: Oh, how cute. You tried to scare me for Halloween
Phil: How in the world did that not frighten you? Some of this is my actual blood! I knicked myself putting it on.
Claire: Sweetie, you don't know the first thing about scaring people. It's all about plausibility. And you were awfully casual for a guy that just got an ax in the chest. You know, if you really wanted to scare me, you should have waited until I opened the closet and found you hanging by a necktie.
Phil: Excuse me! I killed myself?!
Claire: Yeah, totally plausible. I mean, you've been so happy all these years, the other shoe is bound to drop, right?