First Day of School
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 1
"Large Birds, Spiders and Mom"
Original Air Date:

Jake gets ready to start junior high school as Alan and Charlie take him shopping. The two brothers manage to get themselves in trouble.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 24
"Prostitutes and Gelato"
Original Air Date:

Evelyn gets a new boyfriend, Teddy, who bonds with Charlie and Alan over a trip to Vegas. The boys confront their feelings about their mother's dating.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 23
"Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin"
Original Air Date:

Charlie is shocked when the young handyman working on his house beats him out for Chloe. Alan has no sympathy for him.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 22
"Mr. McGlue's Feedbag"
Original Air Date:

Alan asks Charlie to help Jake with his book report so that he can go to the DMV. Charlie ends up taking Jake to the race track while Alan gets conned at the DMV.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 21
"Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous"
Original Air Date:

Alan and Charlie re-examined their sexuality after Alan becomes friends with Greg, a homosexual. Jake has a crush on Greg's daughter.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 20
"Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot"
Original Air Date:

Alan looks forward to Judith's wedding while Charlie and Myra continue their relationship.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 19
"Smooth as a Ken Doll"
Original Air Date:

Alan is thrilled to give Judith his last alimony check; Charlie takes Herb's sister, Myra, out for a date and they bond over their hatred of Judith

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 18
"It Never Rains in Hooterville"
Original Air Date:

Alan tries to bond with Jake when he realizes his acting career is over; Kandi pursues an acting career

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 17
"I Merely Slept With a Commie"
Original Air Date:

After Evelyn confides in Alan and Charlie about how she doesn't want to die like her friend no loved ones at her funeral, the boys convince her this could be her one day.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 16
"Young People Have Phlegm Too"
Original Air Date:

Charlie's young, hot girlfriend takes him to a new club. Charlie takes Alan with him and they're shocked to learn they're considered old.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Jake: You smell like strawberries.
Sophie: It's my lip gloss.
Jake: Does it taste like it smells?
Sophie: You wanna find out?
Jake: Sure!
[Sophie leans in to kiss Jake, Jake uses a finger to wipe her lip gloss off, then proceeds to eat it]
Jake: Mm

Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.