Archer Quotes from "Archer Vice: House Call"

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13. This is only somewhat like that old gypsy woman said!!

An archer intervention

This is only somewhat like that old gypsy woman said!!

Cheryl
This is only somewhat like that old gypsy woman said!!

14. From an overdose of cocaine cake?!

An archer intervention

Malory: Well, she won't go to rehab and you won't let her die with dignity...
Lana: From an overdose of cocaine cake?!

Malory: Well, she won't go to rehab and you won't let her die with dignity... Lana: From an overdose of cocaine cake?!

15. Oh my God, and little kids eat it!?

An archer intervention

Malory: It's good because it's cocaine!
Archer: Oh my God, and little kids eat it!?

Malory: It's good because it's cocaine! Archer: Oh my God, and little kids eat it!?

16. Ron, next time get shot in the head.

An archer intervention

Ron: Next time remind me to get shot in the head!
Archer: Ron, next time get shot in the head.

Ron: Next time remind me to get shot in the head! Archer: Ron, next time get shot in the head.

17. Really - cause you never think of those two as having their shit together.

An archer intervention

Malory: Who uses Metric?
Lana: Every single country on the planet except for us, Liberia and Burma!
Archer: Really - cause you never think of those two as having their shit together.

Malory: Who uses Metric? Lana: Every single country on the planet except for us, Liberia and Burma! Archer: Really - cause you never...

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Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?