Quotables for Week Ending March 11, 2016

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This is the last time you'll see a quote from Downton Abbey, as the series took its final bow last Sunday. Sadness!

Bates Motel and Damien premiered Monday on A&E, while Thursdays remained the biggest night on television with Shondaland, Colony, TBBT and The 100!

Find out who was said the right stuff, who said the funny lines and who should have kept their mouths shut when you scroll through our quotes!

 

1. Vikings

Holidays in kattegat vikings

I once swore an oath before God and all his angels, that one day I would kill Ragnar Lothbrok.

King Aelle
I once swore an oath before God and all his angels, that one day I would kill Ragnar Lothbrok.

2. Teen Wolf

Stiles visits lydia teen wolf

Liam: How do we get him to talk?
Stiles: Personally I don't think we utilize torture nearly enough.

Liam: How do we get him to talk? Stiles: Personally I don't think we utilize torture nearly enough.

3. Lucifer

Party on lucifer season 1 episode 7

It's really not a good day for your Lucifer-ness.

Chloe
It's really not a good day for your Lucifer-ness.

4. Gotham

Interruptions gotham season 2 episode 13

Jim: This is the rational way to go.
Lee: Sometimes the rational way is not the best way.

Jim: This is the rational way to go. Lee: Sometimes the rational way is not the best way.

5. Bates Motel

Finding norman bates motel

I need insurance, you have insurance, so I thought maybe you could marry me. It's not like you're doing anything else. Please, it would only be on paper. I'm not asking you for an actual marriage. I know you're attracted to me. I'll sleep with you.

Norma
I need insurance, you have insurance, so I thought maybe you could marry me. It's not like you're doing anything else. Please, it would...

6. The Vampire Diaries

Ian somerhalder as damon salvatore

Rayna: What’s next? It puts the lotion in the basket?
Damon: It wouldn’t have to if it just stayed dead.

Rayna: What’s next? It puts the lotion in the basket? Damon: It wouldn’t have to if it just stayed dead.

7. Grimm

Nick burkhardt image

Monroe: My family hunted here for like hundreds of years!
Nick: And when you say 'hunted,' you mean...?
Monroe: Oh! Lots of stuff...

Monroe: My family hunted here for like hundreds of years! Nick: And when you say 'hunted,' you mean...? Monroe: Oh! Lots of stuff...

8. The Originals

Elijah mikaelson

Freya: It’s only been a couple of days since the sire link was broken. Must you fall into crippling paranoia already?
Elijah: That’s a default setting.

Freya: It’s only been a couple of days since the sire link was broken. Must you fall into crippling paranoia already? Elijah: That’s a...

9. Quantico

Alex testifies quantico

Caleb: Okay rocket man, here's how this is going to go down: I'm going to smack you around a little silly, and you're just gonna try not to bruise too much.

Caleb: Okay rocket man, here's how this is going to go down: I'm going to smack you around a little silly, and you're just gonna try not...

10. The Last Man on Earth

Mike crashlands the last man on earth season 2 episode 11

You know what else has a permanent hole in it? Your head! Get it together. You can't give up. You just came from outer space, you freakin' fart-face. Now wake up!

Young Phil
You know what else has a permanent hole in it? Your head! Get it together. You can't give up. You just came from outer space, you...

11. Vinyl

Turning on the charm vinyl

I'd offer you a drink, but you're an asshole.

Richie
I'd offer you a drink, but you're an asshole.

12. Family Guy

Stewie griffin picture

Stewie: I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
Brian: No, don't say it like that.

Stewie: I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep. Brian: No, don't say it like that.

13. Girls

A perfect fit girls

Hannah: OK, I just fully saw your husband's dick.
Marnie: Oh my god, I love hearing the word 'husband'!
Hannah: Congratulations.

Hannah: OK, I just fully saw your husband's dick. Marnie: Oh my god, I love hearing the word 'husband'! Hannah: Congratulations.

14. The Good Wife

Diane lockhart photo

You can slice an opponent to shreds, smiling the whole time, and they come back thanking you.

Diane
You can slice an opponent to shreds, smiling the whole time, and they come back thanking you.

15. Downton Abbey

The series finale downton abbey

Violet: Makes me smile, the way every year we drink to the future, whatever it may bring.
Isobel: Well, what else could we drink to? We're going forward to the future, not back into the past.
Violet: If only we had the choice!

Violet: Makes me smile, the way every year we drink to the future, whatever it may bring. Isobel: Well, what else could we drink to?...

16. Madam Secretary

Henry and elizabeth madam secretary

Even if this mechanic is a straw I suggest we grasp it with both damn hands before a bomb goes off in Times Square.

Russell
Even if this mechanic is a straw I suggest we grasp it with both damn hands before a bomb goes off in Times Square.

17. Jane the Virgin

Petra worries about rafael jane the virgin

Jane was ready. The time was right. What were they waiting for? And so they finally had sex. Lots and lots of sex. Just kidding! Geez, why are you all so obsessed with that anyway?

Narrator
Jane was ready. The time was right. What were they waiting for? And so they finally had sex. Lots and lots of sex. Just kidding! Geez,...

18. The Walking Dead

A new enemy the walking dead

Why are dingleberries brown?

Abraham
Why are dingleberries brown?

19. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Conflicting feelings crazy ex girlfriend

Chris: Didn’t you go all the way to L.A. just to tell her that you dig her?
Greg: Yes I did, Chris. And it did not work out; cause life isn’t a two and half star movie. I made a grand gesture; I made a fool out of myself because that’s what happens when you emulate stupid rom-coms.

Chris: Didn’t you go all the way to L.A. just to tell her that you dig her? Greg: Yes I did, Chris. And it did not work out; cause life...

20. Shameless

Furious with fiona shameless

Caleb: I'm HIV positive.
Ian: I have bipolar.

Caleb: I'm HIV positive. Ian: I have bipolar.

21. Damien

Why me damien

You expect me to believe there's really a God and really a devil and I'm on the wrong side. Bullshit.

Damien
You expect me to believe there's really a God and really a devil and I'm on the wrong side. Bullshit.

22. Bitten

Brokering a deal bitten

Katia: You know, for people who want to keep their secret hidden, you aren't exactly subtle with your art.
Nick: I think it's understated, with a hint of whimsy.

Katia: You know, for people who want to keep their secret hidden, you aren't exactly subtle with your art. Nick: I think it's...

23. The Magicians

A connection to the beast the magicians

Hell is real, and it smells like Axe body spray.

Penny
Hell is real, and it smells like Axe body spray.

24. Major Crimes

Gaining leverage major crimes

Did Emile ever talk to you much about prison? You think it's a place you want to try out for yourself?

Flynn
Did Emile ever talk to you much about prison? You think it's a place you want to try out for yourself?

25. Better Call Saul

Making waves better call saul

Jimmy: You are such an asshole.
Chuck: Why? For pointing out that her one mistake was believing in you?

Jimmy: You are such an asshole. Chuck: Why? For pointing out that her one mistake was believing in you?

26. Castle

Rick castle photo

Hayley: It might be for the best. Ignorance is bliss.
Castle: No, ignorance is hell.

Hayley: It might be for the best. Ignorance is bliss. Castle: No, ignorance is hell.

27. Rizzoli & Isles

Rizzoli and isles picture

Don't come any closer. I stepped on something. I think I'm standing on a land mine.

Vince
Don't come any closer. I stepped on something. I think I'm standing on a land mine.

28. Shadowhunters

No ones looking shadowhunters season 1 episode 9

What's done is done. I'm a vampire. You're a shadowhunter. Maybe that's supposed to mean something, but you're still you, and I'm still me. Sort of. Enough, anyway.

Simon
What's done is done. I'm a vampire. You're a shadowhunter. Maybe that's supposed to mean something, but you're still you, and I'm still...

29. New Girl

Nick miller picture

I put on my special underwear because Jess is back because I made a promise I'd be wearing these when you came back.

Nick
I put on my special underwear because Jess is back because I made a promise I'd be wearing these when you came back.

30. Rosewood

Keeping her head down rosewood

You like the idea of having a new partner, but not the reality.

Rosewood
You like the idea of having a new partner, but not the reality.

31. Pretty Little Liars

Developing a plan pretty little liars

Mona's changed so many times I bet doesn't even know herself when she looks in the mirror.

Spencer
Mona's changed so many times I bet doesn't even know herself when she looks in the mirror.

32. Younger

Caught ya younger

Liza: Are you really giving me this advice?
Kelsey: Yes! Sometimes you have to get under someone to get over someone.

Liza: Are you really giving me this advice? Kelsey: Yes! Sometimes you have to get under someone to get over someone.

33. You, Me and the Apocalypse

Jamie finds layla you me and the apocalypse

Layla: I owe you one.
Jamie: One!

  • Permalink: One!
  • Added:
Layla: I owe you one. Jamie: One!

34. Scandal

Fitzgerald fitz grant

Olivia: The fish rots from the head.
Fitz: What?
Olivia: Your boys in the Secret Service, they’re taking their cues from you because you’re the head of the fish. Reckless, negligent, selfish. You’re letting things get out of hand and your boys are following. What kind of example are you setting for the people who work for you, who follow you, for the country? For your son?

Olivia: The fish rots from the head. Fitz: What? Olivia: Your boys in the Secret Service, they’re taking their cues from you because...

35. Colony

A major operation colony

Doesn't matter what a man has if he doesn't have purpose. You take that away from him, man usually goes with it. Tell ya the truth, I never thought I'd find mine again.

Beau
Doesn't matter what a man has if he doesn't have purpose. You take that away from him, man usually goes with it. Tell ya the truth, I...

36. DC's Legends of Tomorrow

Welcome to the 50s dcs legends of tomorrow

Stein: Excellent, nurse. I could also go for a cup of coffee.
Sara: Me, too. Black, two sugars.

Stein: Excellent, nurse. I could also go for a cup of coffee. Sara: Me, too. Black, two sugars.

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Tags:
TV Quotes, Photo Galleries
Shows:
Gotham, The Vampire Diaries, Grimm, The Originals, Quantico, The Last Man on Earth, Vinyl, Family Guy, Girls, The Good Wife, Downton Abbey, Madam Secretary, Bates Motel, Jane the Virgin, The Walking Dead, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Shameless, Damien, Bitten, The Magicians, Major Crimes, Lucifer, Better Call Saul, Castle, Teen Wolf, Rizzoli & Isles, Shadowhunters, New Girl, Rosewood, Pretty Little Liars, Younger, Vikings, You, Me and the Apocalypse, Scandal, Colony, DC's Legends of Tomorrow, The Big Bang Theory, Grey's Anatomy, How to Get Away with Murder, Elementary, The 100
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TV Quotes Quotes

Is you hungry? Cause Bitch, I’m baked.

Kornbread

You know how you call a guy whose wife died a widower? Or, if your parents die, you're an orphan. You know, there's no word for someone whose kids die. Because it's like the worst thing that can happen.

Bucky's Date