Quotables from Week Ending Dec. 18, 2014

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We picked our favorite quotes from shows we cover for the week ending Thursday, Dec. 18, 2014.

1. "I'm not a third grade girl with pigtails..." -- Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"I'm not a third grade girl with pigtails..." -- Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Capt. Holt: You remember my nephew Marcus, the thirty-one year old? He asked me to ask you if you are single. I told him I'm not a third grade girl with pigtails passing love letters.

2. "Please hold for Mr. Malcontent." -- Hawaii Five-0

"Please hold for Mr. Malcontent." -- Hawaii Five-0
Danny: Well if it is the governor tell him you spent this morning vandalizing his trees. ~ Steve: Please hold for Mr. Malcontent

3. "How many ways can I mean human skulls?!" -- The Librarians

"How many ways can I mean human skulls?!" -- The Librarians
Jacob: We found something weird too. ~ Eve: I found a room full of really old art. ~ Jacob: We found a room full of human skulls! ~ Eve: What do you mean, human skulls? ~ Jacob: How many ways can I mean human skulls?!

4. "Do I sound a little stressed? No matter." -- Grimm

"Do I sound a little stressed? No matter." -- Grimm
Wu: Uh, I'm not sure I understand what "average" is anymore in this city. Not that I have any opinion that makes sense, 'cause, you know, I'm ready to go "vampire" or "wolfman." Do I sound a little stressed? No matter.

5. "I want eyes on Charleston." -- State of Affairs

"I want eyes on Charleston." -- State of Affairs
Constance: I want eyes on Charleston. Every move she makes. Every word she utters. I want to know everything.

6. "I guess I am kind of bringing it with this hoodie." -- Cristela

"I guess I am kind of bringing it with this hoodie." -- Cristela
Josh: Um, you know I, I kind of like seeing you outside of work. ~ Cristela: Oh yeah? ~ Josh: Yeah. ~ Cristela: I guess I am kind of bringing it with this hoodie.

7. "The Drop House." -- Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"The Drop House." -- Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Jake: The Drop House. Perfect name for a port-a-potty company. As soon as we get out of here I'm taking that straight to Shark Tank.

8. "Shots?" -- Once Upon a Time

"Shots?" -- Once Upon a Time
Regina: I'm not in the mood for a hope speech, Emma. Emma: You're mistaking me for my mother. Besides you don't need a speech, you need a drinking buddy. Shots?

9. "I wasn't in love with them." -- The Newsroom

"I wasn't in love with them." -- The Newsroom
Maggie: Have you had a lot of long distance relationships? ~ Jim: Yes. ~ Maggie: Have any of them worked? ~ Jim: No. ~ Maggie: Then why is this different? ~ Jim: I wasn't in love with them. ~

10. "I am here, Wade, to seduce you." -- Hart of Dixie

"I am here, Wade, to seduce you." -- Hart of Dixie
Wade: What's going on here? ~ Zoe: I am here, Wade, to seduce you. ~ Wade: You know, most people don't announce it first. ~ Zoe: I just wanted to make sure you were aware of what was happening because this, my friend, is happening.

11. "No, not a meat steak." -- Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce

"No, not a meat steak." -- Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce
Phoebe: She's wearing a black halter top and black shorts and she's holding a stake. No, not a meat steak.

12. "This isn't some midlife crisis." -- The Affair

"This isn't some midlife crisis." -- The Affair
Noah: I love her, Max. I wasn't lookin' for this. I tried to get away from it, but I keep comin' back to her. This isn't some midlife crisis.

13. "Just to be clear, neither of you are good people." -- The McCarthys

"Just to be clear, neither of you are good people." -- The McCarthys
Ronny: Just to be clear, neither of you are good people.

14. "It was an orgasm victory to win against Marcus." -- The Taste

"It was an orgasm victory to win against Marcus." -- The Taste
Ludo: It was an orgasm victory to win against Marcus.

15. "Shoot for mediocrity every time." -- The Taste

"Shoot for mediocrity every time." -- The Taste
Tom: If you're afraid of failure, then you're gonna shoot for mediocrity every time.

16. "Merry Christmas dad. I love you." -- NCIS

"Merry Christmas dad. I love you." -- NCIS
McGee: Every moment with you from growing up to these last few days. It meant something to me. It takes a man to make a man. You've helped make me one. Before I say goodbye dad, I just want to say thank you for everything. Merry Christmas dad. I love you.

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Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Hawaii Five-0, The Librarians, Grimm, State of Affairs, Cristela, Once Upon a Time, The Newsroom, Hart of Dixie, Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce, The Affair, The McCarthys, The Taste, NCIS
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TV Quotes Quotes

You know how you call a guy whose wife died a widower? Or, if your parents die, you're an orphan. You know, there's no word for someone whose kids die. Because it's like the worst thing that can happen.

Bucky's Date

Inej: Kaz, if not Saints, what do you believe in?
Kaz: Myself.
Inej: Why'd I even ask?
Kaz: And you. And Jesper. My Crows.
Inej: Because we flock to your bidding? Like the animals of vengeance, you named us after?
Kaz: Crows don't just remember the faces of people who wronged them. They also remember those who were kind. They tell each other who to look after and who to watch out for. No Saint ever watched over me. Not like you have.