Quotables from Week Ending Dec. 18, 2014

Capt. Holt: You remember my nephew Marcus, the thirty-one year old? He asked me to ask you if you are single. I told him I'm not a third grade girl with pigtails passing love letters.

Danny: Well if it is the governor tell him you spent this morning vandalizing his trees. ~ Steve: Please hold for Mr. Malcontent

Jacob: We found something weird too. ~ Eve: I found a room full of really old art. ~ Jacob: We found a room full of human skulls! ~ Eve: What do you mean, human skulls? ~ Jacob: How many ways can I mean human skulls?!

Wu: Uh, I'm not sure I understand what "average" is anymore in this city. Not that I have any opinion that makes sense, 'cause, you know, I'm ready to go "vampire" or "wolfman." Do I sound a little stressed? No matter.

Constance: I want eyes on Charleston. Every move she makes. Every word she utters. I want to know everything.

Josh: Um, you know I, I kind of like seeing you outside of work. ~ Cristela: Oh yeah? ~ Josh: Yeah. ~ Cristela: I guess I am kind of bringing it with this hoodie.

Jake: The Drop House. Perfect name for a port-a-potty company. As soon as we get out of here I'm taking that straight to Shark Tank.

Regina: I'm not in the mood for a hope speech, Emma. Emma: You're mistaking me for my mother. Besides you don't need a speech, you need a drinking buddy. Shots?

Maggie: Have you had a lot of long distance relationships? ~ Jim: Yes. ~ Maggie: Have any of them worked? ~ Jim: No. ~ Maggie: Then why is this different? ~ Jim: I wasn't in love with them. ~

Wade: What's going on here? ~ Zoe: I am here, Wade, to seduce you. ~ Wade: You know, most people don't announce it first. ~ Zoe: I just wanted to make sure you were aware of what was happening because this, my friend, is happening.

Phoebe: She's wearing a black halter top and black shorts and she's holding a stake. No, not a meat steak.

Noah: I love her, Max. I wasn't lookin' for this. I tried to get away from it, but I keep comin' back to her. This isn't some midlife crisis.

Ronny: Just to be clear, neither of you are good people.

Ludo: It was an orgasm victory to win against Marcus.

Tom: If you're afraid of failure, then you're gonna shoot for mediocrity every time.

McGee: Every moment with you from growing up to these last few days. It meant something to me. It takes a man to make a man. You've helped make me one. Before I say goodbye dad, I just want to say thank you for everything. Merry Christmas dad. I love you.