Quotables from Week Ending February 17, 2017

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1. The Vampire Diaries

The truth the vampire diaries

Bonnie: I hope you're not going to set me on fire. I know that's what you do.
Cade: That would not be a good way to start our lesson.

Bonnie: I hope you're not going to set me on fire. I know that's what you do. Cade: That would not be a good way to start our lesson.

2. Riverdale

Memory lane riverdale

Betty: Bobby pin.
Veronica: Okay, Ms. MacGyver.
[Unlocks box]
Betty: I learned that from the Nancy Drew detective handbook.

Betty: Bobby pin. Veronica: Okay, Ms. MacGyver. [Unlocks box] Betty: I learned that from the Nancy Drew detective handbook.

3. Black Sails

Jack rackham and ellers black sails s4e3

If the story of the pirate Jack Rackham is to end with him standing alongside Blackbeard as an equal, together defeating the governor, who hanged Charles Vane and in so doing, restoring pirate rule over Nassau...that is an ending I can live with.

Capt. Jack Rackham
If the story of the pirate Jack Rackham is to end with him standing alongside Blackbeard as an equal, together defeating the governor,...

4. Homeland

Carrie mathison photograph

CARRIE: I’m an ex-spy, Dar. I don’t pretend to be anything more than that.
DAR: I came to you as a friend, Carrie. An admirer, even. And I’m telling you this in the same spirit, stand down.
CARRIE: No, you stand down! You had your turn, fifty fucking years of it, and look where we are now. You stand down!

CARRIE: I’m an ex-spy, Dar. I don’t pretend to be anything more than that. DAR: I came to you as a friend, Carrie. An admirer, even. And...

5. Taboo

Delaney has a plan taboo s1e6

Brace: You stink of cow shit.
Delaney: It's horse shit, actually.

Brace: You stink of cow shit. Delaney: It's horse shit, actually.

6. The Walking Dead

A new community the walking dead

Carol: Let me give you some advice. It's gonna be dark soon. Don't wander around here on your own. You'll get yourself killed.
Benjamin: Same goes for you too right?
Carol: You're not me.

Carol: Let me give you some advice. It's gonna be dark soon. Don't wander around here on your own. You'll get yourself killed. Benjamin:...

7. The Young Pope

Smoking pope the young pope season 1 episode 9

Lenny: Abortion is saying no to life.
Spencer: Who gives a damn about life? Life is not some stupid centerpiece on the side table of nothingness. Life is to be used and used well. To love and be loved.

Lenny: Abortion is saying no to life. Spencer: Who gives a damn about life? Life is not some stupid centerpiece on the side table of...

8. Girls

The magazine job girls

Hannah: Hey, if I order some more drinks and charge them to my magazine, would you want one?
Paul-Louis: Yeah. Thanks. I love drinking. But I'm cool, because I can drink a lot and not be an alcoholic.
Hannah: Very, very dope.
Paul-Louis: It's tricky, but...

Hannah: Hey, if I order some more drinks and charge them to my magazine, would you want one? Paul-Louis: Yeah. Thanks. I love drinking....

9. Legion

Melanie and david talk legion s1e2

Cary: You have an extremely large amygdala.
David: Thanks.

Cary: You have an extremely large amygdala. David: Thanks.

10. 24: Legacy

Carter escapes 24 legacy

John: Why would she do that?
Rebecca: I'm not sure yet. But the upshot is that she may be facilitating a terrorist attack on domestic soil.

John: Why would she do that? Rebecca: I'm not sure yet. But the upshot is that she may be facilitating a terrorist attack on domestic soil.

11. Supergirl

Metallo visits lena supergirl season 2 episode 12

Alex: I just wanted to let you know that Maggie and I are dating.
Mon-El: Oh, that was the thing. Okay. Is that like a problem here on Earth?
Alex: Well, on Earth, you know, not everybody supports ladies loving ladies.
Mon-El: Oh, well on Daxam it's the more the merrier.

Alex: I just wanted to let you know that Maggie and I are dating. Mon-El: Oh, that was the thing. Okay. Is that like a problem here on...

12. Star

A surprising guest star

Cotton: That was a real date, Mama. He likes me.
Carlotta: Yeah? All of you? Does he know what you got between your legs?
Cotton: He does know and he likes all of it.

Cotton: That was a real date, Mama. He likes me. Carlotta: Yeah? All of you? Does he know what you got between your legs? Cotton: He does...

13. Quantico

Deleting information quantico

Alex: Anyone who thinks they can take the law into their own hands is nothing but a terrorist.
Carly: Except when it's you, right Alex? You can go rogue whenever you feel like it. The only difference between you and us is we're organized.

Alex: Anyone who thinks they can take the law into their own hands is nothing but a terrorist. Carly: Except when it's you, right Alex?...

14. The Bachelor

Nick seeks advice the bachelor

Now I'm getting frustrated. And I'm really bloated.

Corinne
Now I'm getting frustrated. And I'm really bloated.

15. Shadowhunters

Dating advice shadowhunters

Jace: Isn't it time we kissed and made up?
Maia: Or I could just rip your face off?

Jace: Isn't it time we kissed and made up? Maia: Or I could just rip your face off?

16. Scorpion

Undercover chess scorpion

Sly: You know what my nickname was in chess club?
Walter: Susie.
Sly: The chess vulture because I peck away at my opponents until there's nothing left but a rotting carcass.
Walter: That's dumb. Any bird would work in that analogy. I'm going to call you the chess ostrich.

Sly: You know what my nickname was in chess club? Walter: Susie. Sly: The chess vulture because I peck away at my opponents until there's...

17. Timeless

Looking for al capone timeless

Jiya: Did you slip me a burner?
Rufus: Yeah, I got it from watching 'The Wire.'

Jiya: Did you slip me a burner? Rufus: Yeah, I got it from watching 'The Wire.'

18. Jane the Virgin

The writers showcase jane the virgin

Who the hell goes to prison and comes out softer?

Petra
Who the hell goes to prison and comes out softer?

19. The Magicians

Childhood hero the magicians s2e4

Quentin: I must be an adventurer.
Penny: [laughs] No, you're not.
Quentin: What? I have a bow and arrow. And a cool questing outfit. And a man servant.
Penny: You did not just say that, white boy. Besides, what kind of servant has no fucking hands?

Quentin: I must be an adventurer. Penny: [laughs] No, you're not. Quentin: What? I have a bow and arrow. And a cool questing outfit. And...

20. Six

Rip meets his captor six

Rip: Who are you?
Michael: You don't recognize me?
Rip: Should I? You famous on YouTube for sucking a camel's dick?

Rip: Who are you? Michael: You don't recognize me? Rip: Should I? You famous on YouTube for sucking a camel's dick?

21. Being Mary Jane

On call being mary jane

Niecy: You act like I asked to be tased grandma.
Helen: Truth be told, Niecy, I had hoped this would be a wake-up call for you and that you would start acting more maturely. Sadly, you have proved it not to be so.

Niecy: You act like I asked to be tased grandma. Helen: Truth be told, Niecy, I had hoped this would be a wake-up call for you and that...

22. Outsiders

Left behind outsiders

Doctor: Who is the President of the United States?
Li'l Foster: I don't know that.
Doctor: Right, it's probably best that you don't know. It will keep your blood pressure down.

Doctor: Who is the President of the United States? Li'l Foster: I don't know that. Doctor: Right, it's probably best that you don't know....

23. Bull

Danny cant use tech bull

Bull: Trust me, it's just a dye ad. I'm just monitoring your pulse.
Benny: You could have bought me a drink first.

Bull: Trust me, it's just a dye ad. I'm just monitoring your pulse. Benny: You could have bought me a drink first.

24. This Is Us

The opening this is us

Miguel: I talked to your dad. He was my person. He was the one who could steady you when the world felt like it was spinning.
Kevin: Yeah, that's my dad, that's very true.
Miguel: You remind me of him, you know that? The way that you move your hands when you talk, the way that you walk across a room. Sometimes you remind me of him so much that the hair on my arms stands up. That's why it breaks my heart that you don't like me, Kevin. Because when I'm around you, I feel like I get a piece of my best friend back.
Kevin: Miguel, ahhh...
Miguel: You are Jack Pearson's son. You have him inside of you. And when you're nervous or at your most nerve-wracking moment, the curtain's about to go up, all you have to do is remind yourself of that, and you'll be fine.

Miguel: I talked to your dad. He was my person. He was the one who could steady you when the world felt like it was spinning. Kevin:...

25. Agents of SHIELD

Agent phil coulson

It is for the protection of your cats. I assure you.

Coulson [in Russian]
It is for the protection of your cats. I assure you.

26. The Fosters

Callie and stef contemplating cruel and unusual the fosters s4e1

Dr.: Can you tell me what this is that I'm holding? [holds up hammer]
Jesus: Uh, it's...screwdriver.

Dr.: Can you tell me what this is that I'm holding? [holds up hammer] Jesus: Uh, it's...screwdriver.

27. NCIS

Ducky pic

Torres: Are these suits really necessary?
Gibbs: Yes.
Ducky: Unless you want to risk instantaneous death due to sarin.
Torres: These suits are awesome.

Torres: Are these suits really necessary? Gibbs: Yes. Ducky: Unless you want to risk instantaneous death due to sarin. Torres: These...

28. Chicago Fire

Facing the consequences chicago fire

It's only getting scammed if I believed his story, which, I didn't.

Herrmann
It's only getting scammed if I believed his story, which, I didn't.

29. NCIS: New Orleans

The terror playbook ncis new orleans

Torres: Think you could take these handcuffs off me yet?
Pride: Haven't decided yet.
Torres: Pride, my second impression is so much better than my first.
Pride: One can only hope.

Torres: Think you could take these handcuffs off me yet? Pride: Haven't decided yet. Torres: Pride, my second impression is so much...

30. The Expanse

Mao chrisjen and errinwright the expanse s2e4

Errinwright: You need me. You need my government’s resources and my protection.
Mao: I need a patriot who understands the historic importance of what’s happening that can adjust his worldview accordingly. But you’re just trying to save your job, so I’ll let you get back to it.

Errinwright: You need me. You need my government’s resources and my protection. Mao: I need a patriot who understands the historic...

31. Suits

I can take the bar suits

Harvey: Donna, you are never going to believe what Louis just asked me.
The Donna: Give me three guesses: He wants to be you, he wants to look like you, he wants to wear your skin as a body suit.
Harvey: Okay, did you just talk without saying anything?
Donna: What's the big deal? You do it all the time.
The Donna: Good one Donna, you're on fire today.

Harvey: Donna, you are never going to believe what Louis just asked me. The Donna: Give me three guesses: He wants to be you, he wants to...

32. Arrow

A vigil arrow

Thea: What were you doing with a gun in here?
Rene: Judging by how I attacked the guy, saving people's lives.

Thea: What were you doing with a gun in here? Rene: Judging by how I attacked the guy, saving people's lives.

33. The 100

Octavia the 100 season 4 episode 3

If you're wrong and there is a hell... then I guess I'll see you there.

Bellamy
If you're wrong and there is a hell... then I guess I'll see you there.

34. Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce

The last game girlfriends guide to divorce

Barbara: Sex tape. Makes Kardashian look bush league.
Delia: Or no bush league. HA.

Barbara: Sex tape. Makes Kardashian look bush league. Delia: Or no bush league. HA.

35. Law & Order: SVU

Violent hazing law and order svu

Adam: Tell them the truth for God's sake!
Mother: Adam! Everything's going to be okay.
Benson: Everything is not going to be okay! That ship sailed the moment Jack stopped breathing.

Adam: Tell them the truth for God's sake! Mother: Adam! Everything's going to be okay. Benson: Everything is not going to be okay! That...

36. Doubt

Sadie and albert doubt season 1 episode 1

You're a great lawyer, Sadie. Like, I spend way too much of my free time hating on you for being so good, but not even you can overcome a credible witness.

Cameron
You're a great lawyer, Sadie. Like, I spend way too much of my free time hating on you for being so good, but not even you can overcome a...

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Tags:
TV Quotes, Multi-Show
Shows:
Black Sails, Homeland, Taboo, The Walking Dead, The Young Pope, Girls, Legion, 24: Legacy, Supergirl, Star, Quantico, The Bachelor, Shadowhunters, Scorpion, Timeless, Jane the Virgin, The Magicians, SIX, Being Mary Jane, Outsiders, Bull, This Is Us, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., The Fosters, NCIS, Chicago Fire, NCIS: New Orleans, The Expanse, Suits, Arrow, The 100, Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce, Law & Order: SVU, Doubt, Criminal Minds, Blindspot, Chicago PD, Riverdale, Colony, Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, Supernatural, How to Get Away with Murder, Chicago Med, The Blacklist, Emerald City, Grimm, The Vampire Diaries
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Jorgeous

Amanda: You don't know how you made it to the surface?
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