Quotables from Week Ending Sept. 24, 2015

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Happy fall! 

The leaves are turning, the temperature is dropping (somewhere, right??) and a whole plethora of new and returning shows are hitting the small screen. That means we're back, baby!!

TGIT makes a comeback this week with Grey's Anatomy and Scandal, but we're still on board with summer fun such as You're The Worst and Ray Donovan. Meanwhile, Halloween made an early appearance as Scream Queens burst onto the scene with two hours of comedic mayhem. Rating schmatings, it trended for hours on Twitter, guys!

A shocking new crime was committed on How to Get Away with Murder (murder, really?), a hot new man named Rosewood joined Empire on Wednesdays and a moral dilemma was facing The Doctor on Doctor Who just in time for the TARDIS to *explode* on Saturday.

Take a look at these quotes, discover what programming you should be tuning into, and get in while the going is easy!!

1. Castle

Congratulatory cupcake castle s8e1

Kate: Babe, did you set your hair on fire again?
Rick: No, that was just one time. It's just that I'm so good looking I'm literally smoking hot.

Kate: Babe, did you set your hair on fire again? Rick: No, that was just one time. It's just that I'm so good looking I'm literally...

2. Doctor Who

Finding the doctor doctor who

Oh, don’t be disgusting, we’re Timelords, not animals. Try, nanobrain, to rise above the reproductive frenzy of your noisy little food chain, and contemplate friendship.

Missy
Oh, don’t be disgusting, we’re Timelords, not animals. Try, nanobrain, to rise above the reproductive frenzy of your noisy little food...

3. Grey's Anatomy

Return of meredith greys anatomy s12e1

Stephanie: You're one of the Seattle Grace five.
Arizona: I survived a plane crash. A big deal.
Stephanie: And a car crash. And a shooting. You might be immortal.

Stephanie: You're one of the Seattle Grace five. Arizona: I survived a plane crash. A big deal. Stephanie: And a car crash. And a...

4. NCIS

Gibbs is shot ncis

Franks: All the sawbones in the world...and you get Chuckles the Clown. I'll be this guy's a hoot at parties.
Gibbs: Shut up, Mike.

Franks: All the sawbones in the world...and you get Chuckles the Clown. I'll be this guy's a hoot at parties. Gibbs: Shut up, Mike.

5. Masters of Sex

Dinner for four masters of sex

You're a son of a bitch, Bill, and a misguided one if you think that alienating Virginia is the way to win her back. That is your endgame, isn't it?

Daniel
You're a son of a bitch, Bill, and a misguided one if you think that alienating Virginia is the way to win her back. That is your...

6. The Muppets

Miss piggy is furious the muppets

What can I say? I'm attracted to pigs.

Kermit
What can I say? I'm attracted to pigs.

7. Minority Report

Tracking down a killer minority report

Dash: You know how much I see out here. If I can just get to one in time.
Agatha: You can't. You know that. Your gift is incomplete without your brother.

Dash: You know how much I see out here. If I can just get to one in time. Agatha: You can't. You know that. Your gift is incomplete...

8. Rosewood

Body alert rosewood

I'm the Beethoven of private pathology.

Rosewood
I'm the Beethoven of private pathology.

9. The Big Bang Theory

Penny struggles with leonards confession the big bang theory

Whatever. Put us on the internet. I've always wanted a wedding with a comments section.

Penny
Whatever. Put us on the internet. I've always wanted a wedding with a comments section.

10. Scorpion

Awkward romance in the workplace scorpion

It seems when you were back at the hospital unconscious. I, well, I sort of kissed you.

Paige
It seems when you were back at the hospital unconscious. I, well, I sort of kissed you.

11. Chasing Life

Out scooped chasing life

Sometimes it's good to know when to move on.

Dominic
Sometimes it's good to know when to move on.

12. Scandal

Mellie saves face scandal season 5 episode 1

Mellie: I know without a doubt that you and I together, a team, is what's best. For us. For the country. For our beautiful children. And I'm so glad you see it too.
Fitz: I'm divorcing you.

Mellie: I know without a doubt that you and I together, a team, is what's best. For us. For the country. For our beautiful children. And...

13. Scream Queens

The scream queens

Chanel #5: You have an amazing skill at telling people what they need to hear.
Chanel Oberlin: I'm sorry, did I ask you to pull down my panties and blow a compliment up my butt? Nobody likes a suck-up, Chanel #5.

Chanel #5: You have an amazing skill at telling people what they need to hear. Chanel Oberlin: I'm sorry, did I ask you to pull down my...

14. Gotham

Moral compass gotham

Surely, sometimes the right way is the ugly way.

Bruce Wayne
Surely, sometimes the right way is the ugly way.

15. Nashville

Wheels up nashville s4e1

I don't belong in my old places. I don't belong in there. I don't belong.

Will
I don't belong in my old places. I don't belong in there. I don't belong.

16. NCIS: Los Angeles

Left behind ncis los angeles

Not tonight, tonight we drink alone.

Hetty
Not tonight, tonight we drink alone.

17. Awkward

The bromance breakup awkward

Lacey: Do you love, or do you love?
Jenna: What in the hell are you doing? Are you trying to humiliate me?!

Lacey: Do you love, or do you love? Jenna: What in the hell are you doing? Are you trying to humiliate me?!

18. Blindspot

The mystery woman blindspot

Someone did this to me. Took away my whole life and I can't do anything about it.

Jane
Someone did this to me. Took away my whole life and I can't do anything about it.

19. Ray Donovan

Stumbling ray donovan

Ray's just like my old man was with my mom. Too caught up with his own bullshit to realize how beautiful she was.

Terry
Ray's just like my old man was with my mom. Too caught up with his own bullshit to realize how beautiful she was.

20. Significant Mother

Being replaced significant mother

Jimmy: I've challenged Timmy to a duel.
Lydia: Like a sword fight?
Jimmy: Oh, no. We're going to have our pants on.

Jimmy: I've challenged Timmy to a duel. Lydia: Like a sword fight? Jimmy: Oh, no. We're going to have our pants on.

21. The Strain

Dutch awaits her fate the strain

Your scent reminds me of a certain perfume that used to fill me not only with desire but despair, because I knew I could never possess the woman who wore it.

Eichhorst
Your scent reminds me of a certain perfume that used to fill me not only with desire but despair, because I knew I could never possess...

22. Public Morals

Cops public morals s1e5

As much as I would love to wish it was a random act of violence, I'm Irish and therefore can't help but expect the worst.

Terry Muldoon
As much as I would love to wish it was a random act of violence, I'm Irish and therefore can't help but expect the worst.

23. Empire

Sharing tips empire s2e1

It's crazy how I can love your ass and hate you at the same moment.

Lucious [to Cookie]
It's crazy how I can love your ass and hate you at the same moment.

24. Limitless

A dangerous turn limitless

Your brain is a miracle, but it’s not efficient. There’s a maze inside everyone’s head, a labyrinth of missed connections and untapped potential. But now suddenly, I had access to every single brain cell.

Brian
Your brain is a miracle, but it’s not efficient. There’s a maze inside everyone’s head, a labyrinth of missed connections and untapped...

25. The Bastard Executioner

The bastard executioner

Wilkin: I know you see my angels, but do you see my demons as well? The ones that wrap me in fear nearly every day now.
Annora: We make our own demons.
Wilkin: Then I'm certain to make another.

Wilkin: I know you see my angels, but do you see my demons as well? The ones that wrap me in fear nearly every day now. Annora: We make...

26. How to Get Away with Murder

Annalise in class how to get away with murder s2e1

Frank: You know, whoever did this had to be strong enough to drag her behind the stairs.
Annalise: A person can lift almost anything if they're desperate enough.

Frank: You know, whoever did this had to be strong enough to drag her behind the stairs. Annalise: A person can lift almost anything if...

27. NCIS: New Orleans

A stolen missile ncis new orleans

Percy: Serial number's been altered.
LaSalle: Oooh. That's a federal offense. *shakes his finger* No bueno.

Percy: Serial number's been altered. LaSalle: Oooh. That's a federal offense. *shakes his finger* No bueno.

28. Modern Family

Mitchells mid life crisis modern family

Everyone has their strengths. I'm a great gift-giver.

Mitchell
Everyone has their strengths. I'm a great gift-giver.

29. Law & Order: SVU

Rollins uncovers shocking info law and order svu

Self-inflicted? Did she dismember herself too?

Barba
Self-inflicted? Did she dismember herself too?

30. You're the Worst

Gretchen throws a party youre the worst

This gay porn site pays me ten bucks a dick. (gasps) I have a job!

Lindsay
This gay porn site pays me ten bucks a dick. (gasps) I have a job!

31. Dominion

Working to escape dominion

David: They're over by the Luxor. That's outside the walls, they can stay there as long as they like. Who cares?
Claire: We do. There's a tunnel right underneath that bus that leads straight into Vega.
David: Uh oh.

David: They're over by the Luxor. That's outside the walls, they can stay there as long as they like. Who cares? Claire: We do. There's a...

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The Strain, Castle, Doctor Who, Ray Donovan, NCIS, Masters of Sex, The Muppets, Minority Report, Rosewood, The Big Bang Theory, Scorpion, Chasing Life, Scream Queens, Gotham, NCIS: Los Angeles, Awkward, Blindspot, Significant Mother, Public Morals, Empire, Limitless, The Bastard Executioner, NCIS: New Orleans, Modern Family, Nashville, Law & Order: SVU, You're the Worst, Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, Dominion
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TV Quotes Quotes

Inej: Kaz, if not Saints, what do you believe in?
Kaz: Myself.
Inej: Why'd I even ask?
Kaz: And you. And Jesper. My Crows.
Inej: Because we flock to your bidding? Like the animals of vengeance, you named us after?
Kaz: Crows don't just remember the faces of people who wronged them. They also remember those who were kind. They tell each other who to look after and who to watch out for. No Saint ever watched over me. Not like you have.

Amanda: You don't know how you made it to the surface?
Nolan: No, but the purple skins do.
Amanda: Purple skins?
Nolan: I'll tell you on the way