Evil
Sundays 10:00 PM on CBSEvil Quotes
See? That's the problem! Men take credit even when they don't deserve it; women share credit even when we do deserve it.
Sheryl
Kristen: I'm going nuts.
David: Why?
Kristen: This job!
Ben: So you're no longer going over to the dark side?
Kristen: What do you mean?
Ben: Well, a few months ago, you were throwing your hand in with God and going to church. Hm? Now what?
Kristen: You're right. I promised God that I would take the girls to mass every week if Andy came back alive. But all this talk of salvation, God, demons. It's just. It's just broken me. I know you see visions, David, but that is your truth and not mine.
David: Don't say "your truth." There's truth. There's no yours and mine.
Kristen: You see an elephant from one side; I see it from another. Neither of us is wrong.
David: Yes, but there is an elephant.
Kristen: Yeah, and if one of us were omniscient, we could insist on what the other person saw, but you can't determine what I see.
David: I'm not trying to!
Kristen: Ever since I gave up taking God and demons seriously, I've been happy. So why would I want to go back to a world that requires me to dress up my kids for mass or get a nun into my house to destroy demons?
David: Because it's true!
Have you ever thought this Dr. Boggs might be trying to get you hooked on drugs? Have you heard of Big Pharma?
Ben's Jinn
OK. A Black man, a White girl, and a Muslim hugging on the side of the road? We should go home before we get shot.
Ben
You know, conversations are supposed to make things clearer.
David
Sheryl: OK. Listen up, ladies. THAT is why I'm here. To bring down that mother fucker.
Leslie: Leland?
Sheryl: Yeah. He's out to destroy my family, my granddaughters, but I'm takin' him down first from the inside.
Leslie: How?
Sheryl: Organize. The six of us, we get the rest of the women in the office.
Leslie: Are you saying that we threaten to quit?
Sheryl: No, I'm saying that we take over—the women. We just take over.
OK. You answered the werewolf question. Good job. Now answer the next one. Why are robots attacking us? That's a question I never thought I'd ask.
Father Ignatius
Leland: Will you promote her?
The Manager: No. She's a woman.
Leland: Give her something.
The Manager: Move her up to the executive floor. Put her in a corner office.
Father Ignatius: So it's attacking the congregants?
Ben: Yes. That's what's weird.
Father Ignatius: THAT's what's weird?
So, they scientists, they want us to prove they're not opening the gates of hell?
Ben
Kristen: I wanna go back to normal.
Andy: What's normal?
Kristen: Kids, family, home; no ghost moans coming from the walls or nuns trampin' around looking for demons. I want you to go bowling with your buddies.
Your eggs and my sperm -- destined for each other from the beginning. In 38 days, a child will be born who will need his mother's milk -- his genetic mother. Mary of Bethlehem, they will sing hymns in your honor. The mother of the living anti-Christ! [Kristen laughs in his face]
Leland
