Danielle Staub: No Sex Until Marriage!

This spring, Danielle Staub is coming out with an autobiography titled "The Naked Truth."

This is ironic because the nut job of a Real Housewife says she's sworn off sex, having not taken it from a man in a year and a half and supposedly not planning on doing it again until marriage.

“I’m abstinent now,” she told People magazine. "I realized that with abstinence, if you really, really believe in yourself like I do, you discover your own self-worth. Abstinence means you refrain from any sex, even to yourself! I’m a born-again virgin.”

Pssst, Danielle: there's a big difference between abstience and not being able to land a man because you're insane.

Staub adds that she wants to get married again, but she doesn't need to.

“I will never find him, he’ll find me. I think the right one will see me. I want old-fashioned courting," she said, adding that the wait for sex will be worth it and seeming quite confident she'll get plowed again before she dies:

“Can you imagine what it would be like on the wedding night? It’s going to happen. Have you seen me?”

Yes, often in our nightmares. We wake up screaming.

Matt Richenthal is the Editor in Chief of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Twitter and on Google+.