30 Rock Season 1 Quotes
We lose half the congregation every time American Idol starts up.
Kenneth
Now, there are 140 people on this show, so go out there and make 126 people very happy.
Jack
Devon: Celebrity snuff. Reality content made exclusively for your mobile phone: Oh what's that? MC Lyte just murdered Danny Bonaduce? Thanks, PHONE.
Jack: Hey, Devin, you'd better watch out. Kenneth may take your job one day.
Devon: Or your job, Jack.
Kenneth: [points at janitor] Or his job!
[Jack and Devon stare in silence]
Jack: Banks is no slouch. He pioneered the concept of ten-second Internet sitcoms.
[cut to computer]
Theme: Makin' it happen!
[husband walks in door]
Husband: Honey, I'm home!
Wife: [sarcastic] Oh, great!
Theme: We made it!
[credits roll]
I have the results of your DNA Test. I am very serious about doctorppatient confidentiality, so I am gonna have to ask that all four of us keep this to ourselves.
Dr. Spaceman
You warlock! You came to entrance me!
Devon
Jack: Good God. Devon is gay. He's even more powerful than I thought.
Liz: Maybe you should seduce him and get him to tell you all his secret plans.
Tracy: Doctor Spaceman, when they check my DNA, will they tell me what diseases I might get, or help me to remember my ATM pin code?
Dr. Spaceman: Absolutely. Science is whatever we want it to be. I'll let you know as soon as we have the results.
Tracy: I already know the results, the kid is not mine!
Dr. Spaceman: Boy, it's crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. Different time, the '60s.
Liz: His name's Floyd.
Jack: That's unfortunate.
Frank: Yo Tray, we got a problem.
Tracy: [as Jefferson] Pray who be this Tracy Jordan thou speakest of?
Frank: Uh, President Jefferson, we got a problem.
Tracy: Speakest!
Frank: That horse ate your wig.
Tracy: Well, stand guard by his rump and await it in his droppings!
Lutz: Or we could probably just go get a new wig?
Tracy: A-ha! I like you, young man; you shall run my university.
Tracy: [as Sally Hemings] I'm with child!
Tracy: [as Thomas Jefferson] What?
Tracy: [as Sally Hemings] Will you free me and make me your wife?
Tracy: [as Thomas Jefferson] Um... I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.