I think we should kill someone tonight. I mean like a hobo or something.


Until you have savored both sexes, until you know how to make both of them come like baby gorillas? You don't know shit from Shinola.


Agent, get us some whores.


Work is a cruel mistress.


It's decided then, I'm going out tonight. Like Zig, I'm jerkin myself to Jesus.


Your attorney dumped you? How does that even happen?


Hank: How is she? OK?
Karen: OK? What does that even mean at this point?
Hank: What do you want from me Karen? Look around, welcome to rock bottom.

I can't help it if some cock tard in a fedora takes a picture at the exact wrong moment.


Abby: I think I'm actually seeing some of that Hank Moody mojo up close and personal.
Hank: Is my dong out?

She's really fucked up, Hank. I can't wait to play her.


Hank, you might consider smiling a little more often, it uh, got me kind of wet.


Charlie: I hurt myself.
Marci: What, you get shampoo in your pee hole again?

Californication Season 4 Quotes

It's true I am kind of retarded, but I'm also kind of amazing.


Remember how fast my masturbation video spread? That was unnerving.