Friends Season 2 Episode 5: "The One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant" Quotes
Chandler: I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?
Ross: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
Chandler: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
Ross: (About the phone ringing) Still doing the screening thing?
Chandler: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
Machine: (Joey's voice) Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
Jade: Hey, Bob, it's Jade. Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the other day, and just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy.
Chandler: Bob here.
Jade: Oh, hi.
Chandler: So, uh, you met someone, huh?
Jade: Yes, yes, I did. In fact, I had sex with him two hours ago.
Chandler: So, uh, how was he?
Jade: Eh.
Chandler: Eh?
Jade: Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name.
Chandler: (Tying to act cool) Well, that makes me feel so good.
Jade: It was just so awkward and bumpy.
Ross: (Mouthing) Bumpy?
Chandler: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And maybe you have to get used to it.
Jade: Well there really wasn't much time to get used to it, you know what I mean?
Ross: I just never think of money as an issue.
Rachel: That's 'cause you have it.
Ross: That's a good point.
Phoebe: Wow, look at these prices.
Rachel: Yeah, these are pretty ch-ching.
Joey: What are these, like famous chickens?
Monica: I'm at work, ordinary day, you know, chop chop chop, saut saut saut. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. It turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job.
Joey: If it's not you, this is a horrible story.
Monica: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice.
Joey: Yeah, someplace nice. (To Phoebe and Rachel) How much do you think I can get for my kidney?
Ross: (While watching television) Man, I sure miss Julie.
Chandler: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Okay, yes, I see how you got there.
Chandler: Ah, you see Tattoo, Ms. Jade's fantasy is to rekindle the love she once had with Bob.
Ross: You know what my fantasy is? That you talk like a normal person.
Ross: (Calculating the bill) So five of us is ... $33.50 a piece.
Phoebe: No. No way. Sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa. Prom night flashback.
Chandler: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.
Waiter: Anything else?
Chandler: Yes, how about a verse of "Killing Me Softly"?
Chandler: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.
Ross: That doesn't matter. She wanted to call Bob. Hey, for all we know, Bob is who she was meant to be with. You may be destroying two people's chance for happiness.
Chandler: We don't know Bob, okay? We know me. We like me. Please let me be happy.
Rachel: So what is everybody doing for dinner?
Joey: Well, I have to save up, so I guess I'll be staying at home and eating dust bunnies.
Phoebe: We just have to really, really, really, not let stuff like money get -- is that a hickey?
Monica: No, I just, I fell down.
Rachel: On someone's lips?
