Gilmore Girls Season 1 Episode 15: "Christopher Returns" Quotes
Rory: (about Christopher's parents) These are my other grandparents. I don't even know them. What do I call them?
Christopher: Call them what I call them. Ass--
Lorelai: Chris!
Christopher: Sorry, my tie's too tight.....
Lorelai: Just call them Straub and Francine. Nah, just call them Mr. and Mrs. Hayden. Sir and ma'am? (pauses) Why don't you just avoid calling them anything?
Christopher: (about Rory's boyfriend) She has a Dean?
Lorelai: She has a Dean.
Christopher: How did this happen?
Lorelai: Well, long ago, a single-celled organism crawled out of the primordial ooze, and that pretty much led to Dean.
Christopher: I think I need a beer.
Rory: I'm gonna go study before the food gets here.
Christopher: What? Tomorrow's Saturday!
Rory: I know, but I like to get all my weekend homework done and out of the way by Saturday so I can do extra credit stuff on Sunday. (leaves)
Lorelai: (to Christopher) Don't look at me.
Christopher: She's a great kid, Lor. I wish I could say I saw more of myself in her, other than the fact that we have similar left earlobes, but she's all you. Chip off the old perfect block.
Lorelai: Why the hell are you here?
Christopher: Behold the queen of the sudden transition!
Rory: (making a bed for her father on the couch) I just want him to be comfortable.
Lorelai: He's gonna come and go as he pleases, babe. You know that.
Rory: I know.
Lorelai: And no amount of bedding is going to change that.
Rory: But he's never been to Stars Hallow before.
Lorelai: I know.
Rory: So that means something's gotta be different, right?
Lorelai: Why don't you just enjoy the time you've got, okay?
Rory: (long pause) Yeah. Okay.
Rory: So where did you guys go?
Lorelai: Nowhere.
Rory: Where's nowhere?
Christopher: Where we were.
Richard: This little girl is quite smart, Strobe. She could even give you a run for your money.
Strobe: Oh? (Stares at Rory, who stares at the floor) I think my money will be safe.
Lorelai: I hate President Bush.
Strobe: What?!
Emily: Lorelai!
Christopher: Oh boy
Lorelai: He's stupid!
Yes, it is her real dad. He seems very nice, kinda a folkey, poppy, urban, gruffly look to him. And obviously there's some money mixed in there, cause he has a money nose and...
Jackson
(Women coughs. Jackson turns around to see Christopher and Rory standing there)
Lorelai: (sigh) I've gotta see my parents.
Christopher: (sigh) I've gotta see my parents.
Rory: Ladies and gentlemen, the drama king and queen of Connecticut.
Christopher: (on phone with Emily) Well, I'm actually sitting here with your girls. (hands the phone to Lorelai) She wants to speak to you.
Lorelai: Mm. Hi Mom.
Emily: Lorelai, Christopher's in town!
Lorelai: (gasps) What?! I didn't know! Although, coincidently I'm sitting across from an amazing Christopher hologram.
Emily: Straub is actually a good man. Very smart. He was one of the top lawyers in his field, a very arcane aspect of International law. And he's always been so active in his community. His charity work has never diminished over the years. (she pauses) Oh let's face it - he's a big ass. [Rory laughs] Rory, I know you heard a lot of talk about various disappointments this evening and I know you've heard a lot of talk about it in the past. But I want to make this very clear - you, young lady, your person and your existence have never ever been - not even for a second -included in that list. Do you understand me?
Rory: Yeah, I do.
Emily: You usually knock.
Lorelai: Not since you gave us a key.
Emily: That is for emergencies.
Lorelai: Well mom, I'm starving to death. Is that enough of an emergency for you?
