Royal Pains Season 1 Episode 6: "If I Were I Sick Man" Quotes
Jill: So how does pizza and a shower sound?
Hank: Like the crust would get soggy.
(to Tucker) Okay, Dude, if you don't trust her [Libby] enough to snoop because you think you're going to find something bad, you don't trust her at all. Which means that the real insult would be to not go through her stuff.
Evan
Hank: Okay, um, are you currently on any medication?
Libby: Birth control.
Hank: So it's unlikely you're pregnant.
Libby: Assuming the whole Immaculate Conception deal was just a one-time thing, I'm going to say, yeah, highly unlikely.
Divya: I feel useless out here. Is that what it's like to be you?
Evan: Do you treat patients with that bedside manner?
I'd rather take the heat for being with the right guy than play by the book with the wrong one.
Jill
Hank: Ok, look, even if she's pregnant it doesn't mean she's cheating on you.
Tucker: Well, it does if we have never slept together.
Hank: Ohh! Yeah, it kinda does.
No smoking, no drinking, alone in bed...I'm a disgrace to France.
Antwon
Evan: Divya, it's not a situation. It's a wedding. It's-It's two people in love, forcing their friends to dance to We Are Family. You know? It's-It's sac... Wait a minute. Is this an arranged marriage?
Divya: Why?! Why, because I'm Indian?! Why, that's-that's quite an unenlightened stereotype. (off Evan's stare) Yes. It's a strategic marriage.
Bonnie: Divya Katdare. What are the odds?
Divya: What are the odds of what?
Bonnie: Your mother hired me to help plan your engagement party.
Evan: Huh. Your what?
Divya: Evan, go wait in the car.
Bonnie: In fact, I just got the mock-up of the invitation. Where is it? Ah. Here we go.
Divya: I'm sure you are mistaken.
Bonnie: You're saying there's two Divya Katdares in the Hamptons?
Evan: Yeah, the odds of that would be...
Divya: Evan, go wait in the car!
Evan: So, why don't you just, uh, drop me at the dealership, do your follow-up call and pick me up on your way back?
Divya: Because that would deprive us of valuable bonding time.
Evan: Okay. Great. Cool. What do you... What would you like to...
Divya: Evan. It's because they're in opposite directions. I was being sarcastic.
Evan: Yeah. Right, yeah. Well, it's hard to tell with your accent sometimes.
Hank is more than a doctor. He's family.
Ms. Newberg
(Evan receives a text message and tries to relay it to Hank with Jill present in the room)
Evan: It's urgent. Uh, is-may ewberg-nay?
Tucker: Ms. Newparts Newberg?
Hank: Hell of an encryption system.
