Dennis and Mac purchase a gun after the bar's safe is stolen; late on rent, Charlie uses the gun to get extra time; Dee pretends to like guns to impress her new boyfriend, Colin.

After discovering he might have cancer, Mac and Dennis try to find a girl to sleep with Charlie; Mac ends up falling for a transsexual, Carmen; Dee gets Dennis to hire an actress friend to help out at the bar.

"Underage Drinking: A National Concern"

In order to make a little profit, the guys allowed underage kids to drink at Paddy's and Dee starts dating the high school jock.

"Charlie Wants an Abortion"

A girl from Charlie's past reveals they had a kid together; Mac becomes a pro-life advocate to date a girl; Dennis tries to pick up chicks at an abortion rally.

"The Gang Gets Racist"

The guys hire Dee's new friend from acting class, Terrell to promote the bar. In order to prove they're not racist, Mac and Charlie attempt to make some black friends.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.

Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.