Klaus: Homecoming Queen? Seriously? Am I on Punk'd?
Chuck: Did you get it?
Dan: Of course I did. *hands box to Chuck*
Chuck: *opens box* I don't believe this.
Dan: What is it? Did she lie? Are you the Father of Blair's baby?
Chuck: No, Humphrey, I'm not. You are!
Dan: I'm sorry, Chuck. At least now you know she didn't . . . wait, what?
Dan: I got you something.
Chuck: *opens box* A Sharpie?
Dan: Yeah, I thought you might need it when you ask me to sign your copy of "Inside".
Ed: We've been working together for awhile now, Penn, and I really want you to have this.
Penn: *opens box* It's an empty box, Ed.
Ed: No. It was a personality and you let it escape you again.
Caroline: You killed a member of my squad?
Rebekah: I simply challenged her to a hold your breath competition in the pool.
Caroline: You don't need to breath, Rebekah.
Rebekah: I know that, Caroline. Someone probably should have told her, though.
Caroline: I'm really starting to hate you.
Rebekah: Sticks and stones, love. Now, about that opening on the squad?
Caroline: Is he still staring at us?
Caroline: Do you think he's thinking what I'm thinking he's thinking?
Caroline: Oh, for the love of God, Rebekah! Do you think Tyler is thinking about having a three-some with the two of us?
Rebekah: Oh, that. *looks over at Tyler* Definitely.
Rebekah: I know you're secret, Caroline.
Caroline: That I'm a vampire?
Rebekah: No, silly. I saw the poster of Edward Cullen in your locker.
Caroline: You can't tell Tyler, Rebekah.
Rebekah: Are you kidding me? The guy sparkles. How could I not tell Tyler.
Caroline: I've had a really crapy first day and I'm starving.
Rebekah: Me too.
Caroline: I call dibs on the girly-man in the purple shirt.
Rebekah: Oh, I know. He's just begging to have his jugular ripped out.
Rebekah: Don't forget I'm stronger than you, Caroline.
Caroline: Yeah? Well, I'm angrier!
Caroline: Screw, Tyler! He's a hybrid douche. Wanna make-out?
Rebekah: You have to seduce me with melted marshmallows first.
Caroline: Oh, it's so on.
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