Jim: OK. You're a blackhearted piece of shit who has done more coke that Stevie Nicks and David Crosby combined.
Matt the Bat: All true. Continue. [vomits profusely]
Jim: Oh God. The four luck... the four luckiest women in the world are the ones who managed to heave your aggressively sinewy body off of them long enough to divorce you taking with them the only part of you they actually loved, which was your money. Alright? But that's blood. We gotta get you to the hospital. As soon as we get you better, I'll tell you all about the time I fucked your sister.
Matt the Bat: Which one?
Jim: I gotta give you some reason to get better, now, don't I? Now, come on. Gus? I need you to call an ambulance.
Gus: [from a neighboring urinal] Okay.
Jim: Now, please, Assy Joe.

• Permalink: Now, please, Assy Joe.
• Added: April 17, 2019

Gus: That broadcast was fantastic! I just got off the phone with the owners. They loved that two-inning riff on Bob Fosse's Cabaret and the way that you seamlessly dovetailed it right back into the game.
Jim: Well, the parallels between Anduhar and Sally Bowles? That was just low-hanging fruit. I mean, I can't be the first person who ever noticed that.
Gus: Well, they said that THIS is the quintessential Brockmire that they wanted when they hired ya. They're giving you solo booth.

• Permalink: Well, they said that THIS is the quintessential Brockmire that they wanted when they hired...
• Added: April 17, 2019

Jim: They're gonna fire Gabby?
Gus: Yeah, and could you do that for me because I'm not good at that stuff.

• Permalink: Yeah, and could you do that for me because I'm not good at that stuff.
• Added: April 17, 2019

Shirley: When doing good things stops feeling like a chore, then it can be Jim's time again.
Jim: Then I'll just be addicted to helping people. That just sounds like a lateral move to me. At best.

• Permalink: Then I'll just be addicted to helping people. That just sounds like a lateral move to me. At...
• Added: April 17, 2019