The Magicians
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on SyFyThe Magicians Season 3 Quotes
Eliot: What if she doesn’t take the deal? Then what do we do? Or, what if she takes the deal and then it’s all out war?
Margo: Stop it. It’s going to be fine.
Eliot: We could cut our losses. We could head back to Earth and regroup. We could finish the quest, restore magic, and then maybe revisit this when we stand a fighting chance.
Margo: You and I both sacrificed a lot for Fillory. And now we’re just supposed to hand over the kingdom to the Albino supermodel? Bitch took my eye.
Eliot: Hey, I don’t wanna leave. But what if we’re making things worse?
Margo: There wasn’t a blood test to tell me to be High Queen. I chose it. And I have had to fight for every shred of authority. And no offense, but you can’t understand because it was handed to you.
The Fairy Queen: In exchange for my babies, you want my bathtub?
Margo: You collect toes and eyeballs and you think that’s weird?
The Fairy Queen: Pardon me, but I’m a bit taken aback by this sudden curious act of extortion.
Eliot: Funny, we were taken aback by the floaters on spikes on the side of the road.
Margo: We thought you’d be alarmed by that, too, given you forced us into that alliance. So what’s it gonna be? Your bathtub? Or do we start making fairy and goat cheese omelettes.
The Fairy Queen: It’s a strange deal, even for me.
Margo: Right. I should be more specific. You’re giving your bathtub to the entire population of Fillory. We’re gonna make a fondue fountain out of it. It’ll be fun.
The Fairy Queen: And since I’ll have a deal with all Fillorians, everyone will then be able to see us.
Margo: I suppose you’re right.
Eliot: No more shadow puppeting. Just straight puppeting from now on.
Penny: So you lost the key in the Underworld and now want me to somehow go down there and get it.
Quentin: Well, you’re my only friend who is technically dead so--
Penny: For the millionth time, dumbass, I’m not dead. I’m an astral projection.
Quentin: No offense, but your corpse is ash, so I think you may be in a little bit of denial. I mean, look, weren’t you supposed to report to the Underworld branch of The Library anyway?
Penny: Yeah, and I burned my body to avoid that.
Quentin: Look, if we do not get to the Underworld before Benedict moves on--whatever that means--than we will have no idea where the key goes.
Penny: Not my problem.
Quentin: No magic is everyone’s problem. Do you think that I like begging for help, especially to you? I wouldn’t even do it except I know that you occasionally stop being a dick when the fate of the world is at stake.
Penny: Fine. I’ll help.
Poppy: Anyways, do you think your ghost friend is going to be able to help us?
Quentin: There is no us. I’m going to go talk to Penny alone, and you’re going to go back to whatever life you were willing to backstab me for.
Poppy: Okay, I’m kinda sensing some hostility here.
Eliot: Q!
Quentin: Oh good. Hey, I don’t know if it was just a super anxious rabbit, but your message made things seem kinda--
Eliot: Dire? They are.
Poppy: Are those supplies?
Margo: Hostages. Who the fuck are you?
Poppy: I’m Poppy. I’m helping Quentin find the next key.
Quentin: No, she’s not helping me. We’re--
Eliot: Okay, can we hit pause on the recap until we’re back where our pasty usurpers won’t kill us?
Benedict: Your majesty if I may. I understand what you’re contemplating. I’ve thought about it, too. Though I have never spoken about it, of course.
Quentin: Why not?
Benedict: Well, you know what parents teach you about emotions. That you should bottle them up and never talk about them. And turn them into maps, for example.
Quentin: Jesus Benedict, we should talk about this.
Benedict: If it pleases you sire. But first, why don’t we step away from the edge of the boat.
Eliot: We have a problem much bigger than sleeping beauty over here. The fairies are up to something in the northern orchirds. They evacuated the villagers weeks ago and haven’t let another human in since. Except S came through on his way to Loria and he saw some crazy shit. Rivers running red, three-eyed fanged toads, mutant plant life. Chernobyl level shit. I think the fairies might be poisoning the ecosystem.
Margo: Great. Well, now I can’t be mad at you. Thanks.
Eliot: I know. I wanted to fight to so that we could make up and on the other side of it we could just --
Margo: Be us again? Who are we now El? We used to be glamorous amazing mega bitches. And now? We have depth and character.
Penny: Wait! Stop! Do not do this!
Julia: Did you just use that fish as a doorbell?
Penny: I’ve been trying to warn you guys for like an hour. Being the fish button is the first thing in this entire room that’s worked.
Alice: What are you trying to warn us about?
Penny: This spell. I’ve seen it, in person.
Julia: Are you serious?
Penny: Yeah. A couple months back on a book stealing job, I saw a group of magically starved idiots do the transfer. And by the end of it, everyone was on fire.
Incubus: You’ve got two minutes.
Julia: Henry fog said that you might be able to help us power our spell. We just… we need to use your thing.
Incubus: My what?
Alice: Uh, you’re thing. You’re business.
Incubus: Sorry?
Alice: Your little friend. Uh--I mean--your big friend. Well, I’m--I’m sure your friend is perfectly proportioned to your body.
Julia: What did you do to me?
Our Lady Underground: I planted a seed for you to grow.
Julia: Without telling me? Or asking me?
Our Lady Underground: I’ve tried to guide you as gently as I could.
Julia: I saw his eyes. I saw Reynard’s eyes.
Our Lady Underground: Because the seed comes from him.
Julia: Are you kidding me?
Eliot: Deja vu.
Quentin: Peaches and plums. Peaches and plums.
Eliot: Peaches and plums. I got so old.
Quentin: You died.
Eliot: I died. You had a wife. And we had a family.
Quentin: How did we remember that?
Eliot: I don’t know.
Penny: Look I know it’s weird, but at least I’m not stuck in the fucking underworld for a billion years.
Kady: Why are you acting like this is good news?
Penny: Because… I’m not dead.
Kady: Yeah, well I almost was. Look at me. Look at where I am!
Penny: I know. And I’m sorry.
Kady: I tried to save you and I failed. And it broke me.
Alice: Hi. I was just leaving.
Quentin: Oh wait. Hi. Um…
Alice: And don’t talk shit on Penny. He’s here. He’s coming with me.
Quentin: Um… okay. Hi Penny. So, um, okay. You heard about Brakebills, right?
Alice: [Silence]
Quentin: Well it turns out the physical cottage has been magically moved so many times, there’s no valid deed on it. So, like, you can’t sell something you don’t own. So we can um…
Alice: I’m sorry. I’m s-sorry. I’m not trying to make it weird. It’s just weird now. It just is. It’s just weird. Sorry. So I’m gonna take the key so I can see Penny and then I’ll bring it back. Kay.
Quentin: You guys have fun.
