Classic TV Quotes: The Sopranos Season Two

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The Sopranos' second season picked up just a few short months after with Tony at the head of the DiMeo crime family.  The primary storylines involved Junior and Richie Aprile trying to usurp power from Tony and the season culminated with the FBI busting Tony just before Meadow's graduation.

Tony and Christopher Pic

Along the way, Tony and his crew uttered plenty of great lines and now we're giving you a chance to talk like a mafioso with our best of the second season of The Sopranos quotes.  So go ahead and vote for your favorites and check out some of ours below:

Bobby: To the victor belongs the spoils.
Tony: Why don't you get the f**k out of here before I shove your quotation book up your fat f**king ass. | permalink
Janice: There's a Zuni saying: "For every twenty wrongs a child does, ignore nineteen."
Tony: There's an old Italian saying: "You f**k up once, you lose two teeth." | permalink
[Angie is planning on getting divorced]
Carmela: So what did the lawyer say?
Angie: He said I have a good case. We're filing Tuesday.
Carmela: So you're going to take Monday to think. That's good.
Angie: Monday's a Jewish holiday. | permalink
Tony: (to AJ after he throws a phone) Forgot to tell you I got a job at Radio Shack. Product testing. Giving that phone a F for durability. | permalink
Dr. Melfi: Now that you found out that you have a retarded family member, do you feel better about coming here?
Tony: What?
Dr. Melfi: Is it permissable now? Is it enough of a sad tragedy that you can join the rest of the douchebags? | permalink
Carmela: You stole my car? Where is the trust in this house?
AJ: When I get confirmed I'm going to be a man. So how come I can't drive?
Tony: You really want to get into this? Who was that man we had to pick up at camp last year for bed wetting? | permalink
Meadow: There are more Nobel Prize winners in the San Francisco bay area than anywhere on the planet.
Tony: Nobel Prize for what? Packing fudge? | permalink
Paulie: You didn't go to hell. You went to purgatory, my friend.
Christopher: I forgot about purgatory.
Paulie: Purgatory--a little detour on the way to paradise.
Christopher: How long do you think we've got to stay there?
Paulie: That's different for everybody. You add up all your mortal sins and multiply that number by 50. Then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add that together and that's your sentence. I figure I'm gonna have to do 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven and 6,000 years is nothin' in eternity terms. I can do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here. | permalink
Neil: The feds are a business, Anthony. Millions of tax dollars invested in watching your ass. Sooner or later, just like you, they're going to want a return on that investment. | permalink
Tony: How many jobs have you had in this lifetime?
Janice: Enough to know I don't want another one. | permalink
Tony: What is that?
Irina: Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Tony: You should read Tomato Sauce for your Ass. It's the Italian version. | permalink
Dr. Melfi: So who's your friend? Pussy?
Tony: I'm confused.
Dr. Melfi: Is Pussy your friend?
Tony: Yeah.
Dr. Melfi: But that's the friend who was almost carried off by the ducks, right?
Tony: When you say p***y do you mean my friend Pussy or do you mean p***y?
Dr. Melfi: Whatever seems to be dominating your thoughts.
Tony: I got p***y on the brain. I always do. | permalink

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Show Comments

The Sopranos Quotes

(to Mahaffey) That's a shame. A medication comes along after your gambling gets your fucking hip busted to shit.

Big Pussy

Dr. Melfi: Have you ever had a prostate exam?
Tony: Are you kidding? I don't let anyone wag their finger in my face.