Fall Premiere Preview: A Total Beast

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The calendar flips to September this weekend, which means we are mere weeks away from the return of fall television.

In anticipation, TV Fanatic is here to preview the premieres we've seen so far, from the intriguing duo of Elementary... to the glorious notes of Nashville... to The CW's embarrassing reimagining of Beauty and the Beast. Yes, it's that bad.

We run down the problems with this Kristin Kreuk-anchored drama below...

Beauty and the Beast Premiere Pic

When It Airs: Thursdays nights at 9 on The CW.

Who It Stars: Kristin Kreuk, Jay Ryan, Nina Lisandrello, Austin Basis, Max Brown, Nicole Gale Anderson, Joe Bishop.

What It's About: A homicide detective (Kreuk) is haunted by the murder of her mother from nine years ago, along with the mysterious individual/creature who saved her life in that incident, army veteran Vincent Keller (Ryan).

Why You Should Watch: Ummm... it's on after The Vampire Diaries and you lost your remote.

Why You Should Be Scared Away: The premise is worn (Keller's "beast" is the victim of a failed army experiment); the dialogue is cringe-inducing (You look pretty good for a dead guy, Kreuk's Catherine Chandler actually utters when she meets Ryan's Keller); the use of a voiceover is trite and insulting; the characters spell out every last detail for the viewers (Keller's brothers were killed on 9/11, "that's why he enlisted," we apparently need Chandler to tell us); and the casting is a joke, most notably a young, handsome coroner (Max Brown) with an Australian accent who, of course, is an instant love interest for Kreuk's detective.

Recommendation: Run away screaming. This is just bad all around. The post-Vampire Diaries spot ought to be reserved for Cult, a pilot I enjoyed, but The CW wants to run that Matt Davis-based drama rerun-free beginning in January. I can't see any way Beauty and the Beast sticks around for long.

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Beauty and the Beast Quotes

Vargas:This is where he lives? A chemical plant?
Cat: He's a researcher, maybe he works from home?
Vargas: Or maybe it's a meth lab.
Cat: Just my type.

Everyone told me it was just a coyote or a bear. This thing I thought I had seen was just a result of my concussion or post traumatic stress. No, the men who killed my mother were beasts. I believed them. Until now.