True Blood Review: What If God Was One of Us

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Russell got "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" off to a good start when he asked if someone should say grace in the opening scene of this week's True Blood.

I was left wanting at the end of this week's episode though, which has not been the case for me this season, despite the many malcontents out there. This is not to say I did not enjoy the hour, I just felt like there were some wasted opportunities taken up by scenes that just didn't seem to fit with the flow of the episode.

Like The Authority standing around the meal of a naked man, let's dig in...

Eric with Nora

While Steve's grace may have flopped in the eyes of Salome, I sure was thankful for one thing: The smoke monster got what it wanted and is out like pleated khakis. Thank Godric!

I was happy to see Terry man up like he did, but only after Arlene came to the rescue of course. She has sort of taken a backseat to other leading ladies this season so I was glad to see her wave her hair back and forth a little. Terry's line to her about how she was the only reason he was going to fight Patrick at all was also a nice moment for the troubled lovers.

Jason and Jess still couldn't see clear to mending their relationship, but maybe after fulfilling his promise to her with regard to Hoyt she will ask him to wipe down the flatbed once again. That is, of course, if Hoyt pulls through. A lot of fans were expecting this week to be Hoyt's last, but his fate along with that of Plump the Racist Dragon was not revealed.

I think it safe to say Luna slapped the taste out of Sweetie's mouth, but did she end up killing her? Sam just dropped the L word on Luna for the first time, but Luna's actions might throw a wrench into things. Not that they will have time to play the feud what with Emma being taken and all. 

I liked that we were reminded of just how bad a guy Russell is this week, despite all his comical lines... but leave the kids alone! First, vampire Bruce Jenner/Nigel is ordering up newborns on Seamless Web and now Russell is stealing were-children and giving them away as pets?!?

Speaking of lap dogs, what was with Alcide? I liked the flashback to his early days, but I felt like the whole drawn out trip to his dad's trailer was a big waste of valuable screen time. I would have preferred more scenes with Tara and Pam instead.

Pam edged out Eric I think in the True Blood quotes department with her lines about the two things she stays away from and how she and Tara aren't Oprah and Gayle just yet. Seeing Pam get tossed off stage by that new sheriff, though, had my blood boiling. Who will set things right? Pam can take care of herself, but who is she to argue with the monarchs? Eric needs to come back ASAP, but thanks to Bill's backstab that won't be happening anytime soon apparently.  

I argued that Bill's actions last Sunday were just part of some master plan, but this week he was singing a different tune. It actually was very reminiscent of Joan Osbourne wasn't it? What if God was one of us? Just a vampire like one of us. Either Bill has gone bye bye or he is seriously deep cover like Fishburne.

Prior to the apparent chosen one betraying him, Eric was on quite a roll with his techie line and sarcastically suggesting he and Bill get back to slaughtering people in the name of God. For my money, however, the snarl he let out upon seeing Salome as the elevator doors opened was the best. It was reminiscent of Chewbacca's growl when Lando opened the door in Cloud City to reveal Darth Vader sitting at the head of the table in The Empire Strikes Back. I love when Eric gets his Viking up. 

We didn't get any closer to discovering what really went down at the murder scene of Sookie's parents this week. Lafayette delivered some classic moments, channeling Oda Mae Brown and sassing the spirits, but no real new information came to light. Hopefully that soup Claude brought Sookie recharges her inner light and she gets back to kicking some supernatural butt next episode. After she washes the pig out of her hair of course. 

I think I'll call it a night right there and open up the chat lines. As always, I'm eager to hear your thoughts. Be sure to check back later this week to read about my interview with Kristin Bauer. You just know that will be fun and juicy!

Everybody Wants to Rule the World Review

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True Blood Season 5 Episode 9 Quotes

Please, I'm a thousand years older than you. Put your baby fangs away before you piss me off.


Should we say grace?


True Blood Season 5 Episode 9 Music

  Song Artist
Song First One in the Car The Wallflowers
Song Ain't Life Hell Hank Cochran & Willie Nelson
Song Acrobatica Losers