Barney Stinson Quotes
Barney: Ted, please tell me you're not impugning emotional baggage.
Ted: Baggage is good?
Barney: Emotional baggage is the bedrock of America's most important cultural export.
Robin: Porn?
Barney: Actually, it's porn.
Barney: Kiss him! Kiss him!
Older Ted: Uncle Barney didn't say "kiss."
Theater employee: Sir, you need to leave. Now.
Barney: This is outrageous. Who the kiss are you?!
Zha Zha Gabor still looks good.
I'm gonna die alone. Ted's gonna be eaten by cats!
One word. Made up. Douchepocalypse!
Barney: Ted, you are out of the gang FOREVER!
Ted: I'll see you guys tomorrow?
Marshall: Aww ... Lilllly ... babieeeeees!
Barney: I hope Ted is miserable right now.
You leave me no choice. If you have a daughter, the MINUTE she turns 18 ... GONNNNNNNNNG!
Barney: Rule #83. If anything coming out of that child's mouth lands on me, I get to touch Lily's boobs.
Marshall: Dude, what is it with you and my wife's boobs tonight?
[to Ted] Marisa Heller ... she sounds hot. Describe. Face, hair, boobs? Start with boobs.
Barney: Hey, Marisa Heller! Barney Stinson. Do you remember me? We met at a convention for bird owners.
Marisa: That's not possible.
Barney: Wicker lovers.
Marisa: No.
Barney: Stinson out!
Barney: I've got five tickets to Robots vs. Wrestlers!
Ted: That is awesome!
Barney: You've heard of Robots vs. Wrestlers?
Marshall: Not at all!
Ted: But we're assuming it's some sort of sporting event putting robots ... against wrestlers!
Barney: That's exactly what it is!
