I tried to tell you… you chose the wrong side.

Meisner

You don’t wanna go in there. ‘Cause you’re already in there. Might get a little awkward.

Wu

We should have killed Renard when we *didn’t* have the chance.

Wu

What if one of her teachers give her a timeout? It could turn into a permanent timeout for the teacher!

Adalind [regarding Diana]

This is and will always be an equal opportunity family and I will throw quiche and a hissy fit at anyone who says otherwise.

Frank

We can't keep being each other's consolation prize, Jamie.

Eddie

If I shoot you, is that considered suicide?

Nick [as Renard]

Chicks, we're not suppose to be the heroes, we're suppose to be the damsels in distress waiting to be rescued by guys like you, not the ones doing the rescuing.

Eddie

I don't have a penis, so when I take out two armed perps, it's an assault on my date's manhood.

Eddie

Danny: You guys are going to go over speed limits, right?
DMW tester: It's a comprehensive road test, covering all the driving laws of the State of Hawaii.
Danny: Comprehensive meaning like driving on sidewalks, hopping curbs, going under semi trucks, stuff like that?

Jamie: And he likes you because?
Eddie: Because who wouldn't?

Well I’d like to beat the crap out of you, but guess what, sometimes we don’t always get what we want, do we?

Danny