Robin: I'm sorry I don't have time for your drama right now, my fiancé is missing.
Lily: Marshall got picked to be a judge. He took the job without even asking me. Italy's off.
Robin: I have time for your drama.

The no more surprises thing is the best part of being married.

Barney: Truth is, I only know of one truly platonic relationship.
Lily: You and me.
Barney: Don't make me laugh Lily. You want to hit this so hard.

Yes I'm in a rotten mood. No I don't want to talk about it. Yes this has booze in it. No it's not my first.

Lily: I'm not paying for room service The Hooker ordered.
Barney: I've been there.

Choose your wife, you always choose your wife.

Lily: Prove to me you can make a female friend. What about her?
Robin: Ugh the girl with the bangs? Any chick who does that to her hair is going through a big life transition I don't want to hear about. Next time grow your bangs long enough to cover your mouth. I'll pass.
Lily: Ok well what about her?
Robin: Ugh, comfortable shoes? What are you filibustering later? It's after five, put on some heels. I'll pass.

Lily: Face it Robin, you hate women and women hate you.
Marshall: Ted didn't go to his prom? Classic.

Why say goodbye to the good things?

Lily: Are you my guy Linus?
Linus: So you want the Kennedy package?

Man you're fast when you're drunk!

You get older, you have kids, you stop stealing, it's sad.

HIMYM Quotes

Barney: Lesson one, lose the goatee, it doesn't go with your suit.
Ted: I'm not wearing a suit.
Barney: Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool, exhibit A. [points to his own suit] Lesson three, don't even think about getting married til you're thirty.

Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians

Barney