Jared: When the dust settles is Swatello the one?
Peter: Right now she's the one who got away.

Peter: Well, you know you can trust us.
Jared: We've got attorney friend privilege.

Jared: I wouldn't mind his game when I'm 70.
Peter: I wouldn't mind his game now.

Peter: Were your parents ninjas?
Dan: They never said.

Jared: We were young. Mere chicken tenders.
Peter: But now we're the big cocks of the wok.

Peter: This is insane, even for you.
Jared: Only if you think about it.

Objection your honor, you look far too hot.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

You can't rekindle something that was never kindled in the first place.

From now on we'll only boil them alive, crack their shells and suck out their insides.

Officer: What's that smell?
Jared: We've got a pet skunk.

Men have had their minds blown over women since Eve bit Adam's apple.

Franklin & Bash Quotes

See that's a talent, sounding like a total asshole even when you're supposedly saying something sincere.


"Sorry, sorry. Jean Claude Van Damme marathon last night. Unavoidable.