The Fall of the House of Usher
Thursdays on NetflixRoderick Usher Quotes
Madeline: We will get around to funding AIDS research, and diabetes, and heart disease, just as soon as we figure out how to keep our geriatric dicks harder for a few more minutes. What's the market share on wimpy dicks, Roderick?
Roderick: 60-70% of the healthcare industry.
Madeline: The Pentagon spent $83 million on Viagra last year. Meanwhile, the Supreme Court,vthe fucking Supreme Court does its part, tears the autonomy, rips the liberty away from women, shreds not just their choice but their future, their potential. We turn men into cum fountains and women into factories, cranking out, what, an impoverished workforce, there for the labor and to spend what little they make consuming. And what do we teach them to want? Houses they can't afford. Cars that poison the air. Single-serve plastics, clothes made by starving children in third world countries, and they want it so bad that they're begging for it, they're screaming for it, they're insisting upon it. And we're the problem? These fucking monsters, these fucking consumers, these fucking mouths. They point at you and me like we're the problem. They fucking invented us. They begged for us, they're begging for us still. So I say, we stand tall and proud, brother.
If pain and suffering were the kisses of Jesus, then he kissed the living fuck out of my mother in the years that followed.
Roderick: We're at battle stations, I'm the commanding officer, I don't wanna hear anything but, "Sir, yes, sir." You get me?
Leo: Sir, yes, sir?
Eliza: How's your foot?
Roderick: It hurts.
Eliza: Remember what Mother Teresa said, "Pain and suffering are like the kiss of Jesus." It just means you've come so close to him that he can kiss you.
Madeline: Mom, you have to drink and… And we think maybe… Maybe we need to call a doctor, like on the TV.
Eliza: No!
Roderick: Mom, please.
Eliza: Jesus showed us how to heal the sick, and it wasn't through medicine! Where is your faith? Your body is a temple of God. And you'd pollute it?!
Rufus: We are all at fucking battle stations right now. I am the commanding officer, and I don't wanna hear anything that isn't, "Sir, yes, sir." Do you get me?
Roderick: I get you.
Rufus: Then say it.
Roderick: Sir, yes, sir.
Arthur: These were taken in 2011.
Roderick: So she's a stalker. She stalks important people. Oh, wait. This is from the '80s.
Arthur: Gettys. That's Prescott Bush, 1944. Randolph Hearst. Rockefellers.
Doherty. Vanderbilts. And this one. That's John Francis Queeny. He founded Monsanto. In 1901.
Roderick: Bullshit. This is bullshit.
Madeline: Roderick.
Roderick: It's Photoshop. She sprinkled bogus images of herself online.
Denial. It's amazing how far you can get on denial. You know why so many people use denial to get by? Because it really fucking works. The thing about denial is sometimes problems do just go away on their own, so it makes it feel like denial works. The placebo effect. Sometimes it works, like I said. But other times, it doesn't. It really fucking doesn't.
The first thing you have to understand about my son is that he was, if nothing else… crazy.
Roderick: This is it, Freddie. They're all gone, and it's all about to fall apart. So, I need to count on you. And when they call, and they will call, you just don't pick up,that's the best message. And if they corner you in the street,
you tell them, "I'm Frederick Usher, I'm the repository of the hopes and dreams of a fucking empire." "So take your treacherous bullshit elsewhere." Can you do that?
Frederick: I can.
First, you roll out a multi-media campaign to convince people lemons are incredibly scarce, which only works if you stockpile lemons, control the supply, then a… A media blitz. Lemon is the only way to say "I love you," the must-have accessory for engagements or anniversaries. Roses are out, lemons are in. Billboards that say she won't have sex with you unless you got lemons. You cut De Beers in on it. Limited edition lemon bracelets, yellow diamonds called lemon drops. You get Apple to call their new operating system OS-Lemón. A little accent over the "o". You charge 40% more for organic lemons and 50% more for conflict-free lemons. You pack the Capitol with lemon lobbyists; you get a Kardashian to suck a lemon wedge in a leaked sex tape. Timothée Chalamet wears lemon shoes at Cannes. Get a hashtag campaign. Something isn't "cool," "tight," or "awesome". No, it's "lemon". "Did you see that movie?" "Did you go to that concert? It was effing lemon." Billie Eilish, "OMG, hashtag… lemon." You get Dr. Oz to recommend four lemons a day and a lemon suppository supplement to get rid of toxins 'cause there's nothing scarier than toxins. Then, you patent the seeds. You write a line of genetic code that makes lemons look just a little more like tits… and you get a gene patent for the tit-lemon DNA sequence, and you get a gene patent for the tit-lemon DNA sequence, you get those seeds circulating in the wild, and then you sue the farmers for copyright infringement when that genetic code shows up on their land. Sit back, rake in the millions, and then, when you're done, and you've sold your lem-pire for a few billion dollars, then, and only then, you make some fucking lemonade.
Roderick: One thing I tried to teach them is the art of the pivot. When life hands you lemons…
Dupin: Make lemonade?
Roderick: No.
