Quotes
Fry: This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened.
Leela: Actually it did. But thank God nuclear winter cancelled it out.
Your mistletoe is no match to my Tow missile!
Santa
Bender: Ah, lets face it: Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny!
Farnsworth: Come on, everyone. Perhaps some skiing will help us forget the mouldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.
Amy: Yeah!
Leela: Great idea!
Zoidberg: We can only hope!
"He knows when you are sleeping
He knows when you're on the can
If he sees you he'll blast your ass from here to Pakistan!
Oh, you better not breathe
You better not move
You're better off dead I'm telling you dude
Santa Claus is gunning you down!"
O'Brien: So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?
Bender: No, they fixed that 900 years ago.
O'Brien: Just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning-
Bender: I doubt it!
O'Brien: Listen, pal, I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the war of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have: A soul!
Bender: Eh.
O'Brien: And freckles!
Bender cries
Santa: You all been naughty! Very naughty indeed! Except you Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you.
Dr. Zoidberg: A Pogo Stick!
Fry: There's this girl who I really like, but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me?
Man: Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court. Though there's a line this time of year.
I'm gonna shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!
Santa
Homeless robots, to poor to even afford the basic alcohol needed to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies, and it would have to be a lot of them.
Linda (the newscaster)
They'll be killed on our doorstep, and there's no trash pickup until January 3rd!
Farnsworth
Sweet lion of Zion!
Hermes