Michael: Hey, I can't believe you. I asked you two weeks ago whether we should use Dad's car, and you said it would be bad form. Now, I hear you're driving it!
Gob: That is a lie. A bald-faced lie.
Narrator: Gob was lying. He had been driving his father's car.

Gob: Give me a "Gob."
George Michael: Gob!
Gob: No, I didn't mean for you to yell my name at me. It's what I call a double-dipped banana with everything on it.

(to investors) Bye, you guys! Really great to see you again ... (to Michael) They think you're full of (bleep). I think it's the sweating.


Michael: (on the phone with Lindsay, after he had said she was uncharitable) Hello?
Lindsay: I'm in the wetlands. I've got a poker thing and I'm going to clean them up. So, the next time you wanna tell me that I'm uncharitable, why don't you just ask yourself, who called you from the wetlands?
Michael: Who is this?
Lindsay: Nice try. You're the selfish one. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some nature to save.
(Lindsay hits the ground with her 'poker', and a frog makes a croaking sound)
Lindsay: (Lindsay gasps) AAAAH!

But I'll tell you what. If you want to use my likeness for a Hamburglar-type character, I'll sign off on that. 'Mr. Banana Grabber' or something.


Michael: Come on, face it. You just do all this charity crap just to stroke your ego. You don't even know what the auction's for tonight.
Lindsay: The wetlands.
Michael: To do what with them?
Lindsay: Dry them.
Michael: Save them.

George Sr.: I'm under a lot of pressure here. I'm trying to get my newsletter off the ground. I'm trying to decide which gang to align myself with.
Michael: Is it pledge week already?
George Sr.: I've got it down to two. But honestly, I don't even want to choose. I just feel... I feel like the prettiest girl at the dance.

Look, I screwed up, ok? I'm lost, and I hate them. I hate the wetlands. They're stupid and wet, and there are bugs everywhere, and I think I maced a crane, Michael.


I mean, I guess it would just be a guy who you know, grabs bananas and runs. Or, um, a banana that grabs things. I don't know why. Why would a banana grab another banana? I mean, those are the kind of questions I don't want to answer.


(Michael asks the woman he thinks is Lucille's housekeeper where she is going)
Woman: Yo ... Scared-o.
Michael: Izquierdo ... I know that word. Left turn it is, missus!

Arrested Development Season 1 Episode 5 Quotes

George Michael: Save yourself. I'll take the hit. My record's clean. Well, I got my bike seat stolen once, but I don't think it counts on your record if you're the victim. I mean, there is a record, but it's not like --
Maeby: Yeah, thanks. I'll take the rap next time we do something like this, okay?

(loudly) Well, how embarrassing. My own brother buying me? I'd rather die. (whispers to Michael) Thank you. Maybe you're not that selfish.