Arrested Development Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot" Quotes
Michael: What have we always said is the most important thing. What comes first?
George Michael: Breakfast.
Michael: Family.
George Michael: Family. Right. I thought you meant out of the things you eat.
Tobias recently lost his medical license for administering C.P.R. to a person who, as it turns out, was not having a heart attack.
Narrator
Lucille: If you're saying I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all my children equally.
(Earlier that day)
Lucille: I don't care for Gob.
Michael: Dad was always banker, so there was no beating him.
George Michael: He should have been stocking up on those "get out of jail free" cards.
Michael: (about George Michael) Well, I guess he really misses his family.
Lindsay: Well, he doesn't know us very well.
Michael: Yeah, clearly.
Well, I'm sorry. It's just it's too late. I'm truly sorry, but I'm moving to Phoenix. I got a job. (long pause) It's something you apply for, and then they pay you to, um ... never mind. I don't want to ruin the surprise.
Michael
Tobias: I'm alright, gang. What an adventure gang. I thought that the homosexuals were pirates, but it turns out most of them were actors in the local theater. You're right, though. It is amazing, I've been waiting for the universe to provide a path for me ... And I think it has ...
Lindsay: You're gay?
Tobias: No. No ... Ha, I'm not gay. How many times must we have this conversation?
(regarding uncircumcised penises) I think it looks frightening when it's cut off. It's a Doberman -- let it have its ears.
Lindsay
(Whispering)
George Sr.: They cannot arrest a husband and wife for the same crime.
Michael: Yeah? I don't think that that's true, dad.
George Sr.: Really? I've got the worst (bleep) attorneys!
Um, I forget their name, but I know they're hungry. I think some are thirsty.
Lindsay
Lucille: (showing Michael her fox scarf) Michael, look. Look what happened to my fox. Someone cut off its little foot. Is it, is it noticeable?
Michael: Well, you've got to remember you're going to be all splattered in red paint. That's gonna distract the eye.
Michael: Hasn't everything already sorta been discovered, by like, Magellen and Cortez?
Buster: Oh yeah, yeah....
Michael: All those folks.
Buster: Those guys did a pretty good job. But there's still ... you know ...
