Desperate Housewives Season 2 Episode 22: "No One Is Alone" Quotes
Sometimes, I'm just all thumbs.
</i> Felicia
Carlos: We're gonna have a baby!
Gabrielle: Oh.
Doctor: You should know that since she's experiencing early symptoms, this might be a tough pregnancy for her.
Carlos: Not a problem. We are gonna treat her like a queen!
Gabrielle: Absolutely. You have nothing to worry about here.
Fine, I'll learn to live without product. But when my hair starts smelling like hair, I don't want to hear a word.
Gabrielle
Carlos: Do you have to be so high-maintenance?
Gabrielle: You married a model, Carlos. Maintenance is my only skill!
Bree: You know what? Maybe Andrew leaving will be good for us. You are all I have left and I am going to be the best mother that I can be.
Danielle: There's definitely room for improvement.
Xiao-Mei: She smell.
Carlos: Who smells? Gaby?
Gabrielle: Excuse me, what?
Xiao-Mei: Her perfume make me sick.
Gabrielle: Honey, it's a hundred bucks an ounce. That tends to make everyone a little nauseous.
Paul: I'm calling the police.
Felicia: No need, I just needed to borrow some flour. I'm a little bit psychic and I predict fresh baked cookies in your future.
Bree: I think it's going to be a kick having Susan and Julie stay with us. It'll be like living in a sorority. We'll stay up late and we'll gossip and make s'mores. Doesn't that sound like fun?"
Danielle: Why are you pretending to be happy? I heard you walking around your room all night long. Crying.
Bree: I don't want to talk about it.
She's good!
</i>
(Susan turns on the recorder under her shirt and knocks on Edie's door. Edie answers the door eating a bag of popcorn. She tries to slam the door. Susan holds the door)
Susan: No, Edie, wait! Um, I don't want to fight. I know that we've had our differences, but you know we had a friendship going on there and I just think we owe it to ourselves to talk about what happened.
Edie: What's there to talk about? It happened. (she chews the popcorn as she talks) I walked down to your house. I had this watering can.
Susan: What?
Edie (muffled): I filled it with gasoline and boom! Laughed my ass off.
Susan: Okay, wait, could you just swallow? 'Cause I couldn't really hear what you were saying.
Edie: Well, that was basically it. One of the best days of my life.
Susan: Well, see you were chewing and so I didn't really hear what you said. Could you just say it again?
Edie: I burnt you house down and it was great. What do you want?
Susan: So, uh, you then admit burning down my house. On purpose.
(Susan moves closer to Edie. Edie looks at Susan suspiciously.)
Edie: You're wearing a wire, aren't you?
Susan: Huh?
Edie: Open that blouse!
Susan: What? No!
Edie: Open that blouse!
(Edie rips open Susan's blouse and sees the microphone. Susan runs.)
Edie: Ahhhhh! You can't outrun me, Mayer. I'm in the best shape of my life!
Susan: Oh good. Then you'll be prime meat picking when you go to jail!
Edie: You bitch!
Susan: Bite me!
Edie: What do you want?
Susan: Uh, this is a little awkward and I apologize in advance for how this is gonna sound, but um...by any chance, did you burn down my house?
Edie: Yes.
Susan: What?
Edie: Yes, I burnt down your house, you sleazy little whore.
Susan: Edie! Why would you do that?
Edie: Can you blame me after sending me that acid letter?
Susan: Letter? What letter?
Edie: The one where you admitted to stabbing me in the back by sleeping with Karl.
Susan: You weren't supposed to get that! I stole that back from the mailman.
Edie: So, you were trying to hide the truth from me?
Susan: This is not what we should focus on right now. The point is you maliciously set fire to my house!
Edie: Look, I admit I might have overreacted a tad.
Susan: A tad? Edie, I have no roof! You can't just go around burning down people's homes!
Edie: Why not? You burnt down my home! You stole Mike from me! You slept with my fiance! That's the trifecta! You're lucky I didn't torch your car!
Susan: That's it! I'm going to the police and I'm telling them what you did!
Edie: Did what? I didn't do anything.
Susan: Wha--? You just confessed!
Edie: No, I didn't. Did anyone else hear me confess? Hello? Hello? No witnesses. No evidence. No confession. I guess we're done here. You can go home now. Oh wait, that's right, you don't have one.
