Friends Season 1 Episode 3: "The One with the Thumb" Quotes
Chandler: (Showing Joey how to smoke for his audition) Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. With it, you feel right. You feel complete.
Joey: You miss it?
Chandler: No, not so much.
Alan: (After being dumped by Monica) Although I gotta say I'm a little relieved.
Monica: Relieved?
Alan: Yeah, I had fun with you, but... I can't stand your friends.
Phoebe: The soda company gave me $7000 dollars for the thumb.
All: Wow.
Phoebe: Yeah, and on my way over here, I stepped in gum. What is up with the universe?!
Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said "We should do this again!"
All: Oh. Ouch.
Rachel: What? He said "We should do it again," that's good, right?
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated "We should do this again" means "You will never see me naked."
Rachel: Since when?
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Ya know, like, "It's not you" means "It is you."
Chandler: Or "You're such a nice guy" means "I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you."
Phoebe: Or, or, ya know, um, "I think we should see other people" means "Ha, ha, I already am."
Phoebe: (Reading a letter) "Dear Ms. Buffay, Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this football phone as our free gift." Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
Rachel: What bank is this?
Monica: I'm gonna go. I have a date.
Rachel: With Alan again? How's it going?
Monica: It's going pretty good. It's nice and we're having fun.
Joey: When do we get to meet the guy?
Monica: Let's see, today's Monday... Never.
All: (About Chandler smoking) Hey, come on, put it out.
Rachel: It's worse than the thumb.
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair.
Monica: Why is it unfair?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle cracking isn't annoying? And Ross with his over pronouncing every single word, and Monica with that snort when she laughs... I mean what the hell is that thing? I accept all those flaws why can't you accept me for this?
(Pause)
Joey: Does the knuckle cracking bother everybody or just him?
Rachel: Well, I would live without it.
Joey: Is it like, a little annoying or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
(Phoebe takes her hair out of her mouth.)
Ross: Don't listen to them Pheebs, I think it's endearing.
Joey: Oh you do, do you?
(Monica snorts loudly.)
Ross: There's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
Rachel: Indeed there isn't. (Ross looks at Rachel) I should really be getting back to work.
Phoebe: Yeah, otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Rachel: Oh, the hair comes out and the gloves come off.
(They all start shouting at each other, while Chandler walks away smoking happily.)
