Joey: You seen Sandy?
Chandler: I don't know how to tell you this but she's in Monica's bedroom getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Oh, look at that I did know how to tell you.

Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!


Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Phoebe: Yeah, you wish!

Joey: Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late.
(He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume)
Chandler: Too many jokes... must mock Joey!
Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)
Chandler: Ahh, you're killing me!

Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...
Susan: Come in.
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
Susan: What's it look like?
Ross: Kinda like a big face without skin.

Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: (Deadpan) Well, you know you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.

Chandler: (To Joey) And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.

Monica: (About Joey's modeling job) Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, healthy, healthy guys"?
Phoebe: You know, the asthma guy was really cute.
Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be?
Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (Crosses fingers)
Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.

(On inviting Carol over for Thanksgiving dinner) (Mimicking) Ooh, ooh. Because she's my ex-wife, and will probably want to bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner.


Ross: Do you, uh, do you talk about me?
Susan: Yeah, yeah, all the time.
Ross: Really?
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.

(Talking to Carol's stomach) And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.


(Singing to Carol's stomach) Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any breasts.


Friends Season 1 Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Casting Director: Name?
Joey: Holden McGroin.