Lorelai: Why can't you keep a maid in this house? I mean there must have been 1000 women who've gone through here in the 32 years that I've been alive and not one of them could stick it out.
Emily: And this is what we need to discuss right now?
Lorelai: These are women from countries that have dictatorships and civil wars and death squads and all of that they survived, but 5 minutes working for Emily Gilmore and people are begging for Castro.

Man: That's a hammer?
Rory: Well, it's just dressed up a little.
Man: You dressed up a hammer?
Rory: No, my mother did. She does that. She, um, she takes thinks that aren't pretty and makes them pretty, like a hammer, you know. One time she made individual outfits for my liquid paper bottles. A clown, a cowboy, a newscaster. She's not insane, she just sounds it.

Lorelai: I need you to be serious here.
Rory: You're wearing a newspaper on your head and you want me to be serious?

(to Lorelai) Walk as you babble, please.

Emily

(About going to help fix up homes for the needy)
Paris: You don't want to go. It's not you.
Rory: I have multiple personalities, it might be one of me.

Paris: You need to follow a study schedule. I've been telling you that since second grade.
Louise: Which worries both of us.

Emily: We can discuss this in the morning.
Lorelai: No! We have to discuss it now!
Emily: Are you drunk?

Emily: Your head is too big for a veil.
Lorelai: Thanks.

Rory: What's that?
Lorelai: A hammer.
Rory: Why does it have feathers?
Lorelai: So the rhinestones and bows won't feel lonely.

(to Rory) I mean it, Timmy, no falling down the well.

Lorelai

Lorelai: I'm officially changing my order. I'll have the 'Luke's giving Lorelai a migraine' meal.
Luke: Blue cheese or ranch?

Lorelai: (about the wedding shower) It's crazy out there.
Luke: Oh, I can imagine.
Lorelai: Lots of people having fun, just the kind of thing you'd hate.

Gilmore Girls Season 2 Episode 2 Quotes

Luke: There's nothing like a wedding to screw up a family.
Lorelai: Well in my case, there's nothing like a family to screw up a family.
Luke: It starts out all very nice, two people promising to be together forever, I'll die when you die, my life meant nothing till you used my toothbrush. Then you start planning the wedding. Aunt Junie's allergic to milk. Uncle Momo's off his meds...
Lorelai: Junie and Momo?
Luke: They're names.
Lorelai: Of a retired circus couple?
Luke: Then the ceremony's a disaster, a ring is lost, someone can't sit there with their ex, someone's drunk, someone's sleeping with someone else's wife, and somone's walked off with a gift or two.
Lorelai: You know, the Gettysburg Address was only one page long. And that was about a war.

Lorelai: What about Dad?
Emily: We're starting without him.
Lorelai: Why? He's the one with the six o'clock flight. We don't have to go anywhere. We could stay all night. Kick back, do some jello shots, play light as a feather, sitff as a board...
Richard: You started without me!