Lorelai: Rory, this was a bad one, okay? This was not Nick and Nora, this was Sid and Nancy, and I'm not going in there.
Rory: But the coffee is in there. And it's Danish Day. Are you seriously telling me that you're gonna let a stupid fight get in the way of Danish Day?
Lorelai: No, I'm not.
Rory: Good.
Lorelai: So go in there and order two coffees and two danishes to go.
Lorelai: So go in there and order two coffees and two Danishes to go.
Rory: You're kidding, right?
Lorelai: And don't forget the napkins.
Rory: Mom, he's gonna know what's going on. He's not stupid.
Lorelai: He cannot prove that you're not ordering all that for yourself, can he? No, so go on. Scoot, scoot. Mommy's right here.

Jess: Wanna play some poker? Five bucks a hand.
Luke: No.
Jess: Ten? I can't go any higher than ten.
Luke: Jess-
Jess: Okay, fifteen.
Luke: I don't want to play poker.
Jess: You sure?
Luke: Yeah.
Jess: Okie dokie.

Taylor: You're a very jaded man, Luke. What happened to you as a child?
Luke: Some creepy guy in shorts and knee socks tried to sit me down under a tree and glue rocks together for two hours. Put that down!

Lorelai tries to get Jess to understand that Luke is trying to help him
Jess: What are you sleeping with him or something?
Lorelai: Excuse me?
Jess: I don't know. The whole starry eyed 'you're so much better off, just give it a chance' speech. You're either really nave, or you're getting some.

Luke: (On the phone) Hi, Liz. Yeah, he got here fine.
Jess: Got here at ten this morning.
Luke: Okay, hang on a sec. Jess?
Jess: Pass.
Luke: Jess, come on.
Jess: Nope.
Luke: What am I supposed to tell her?
Jess: Tell her I gotta take another crack at that closet. I think I hung my Tool T-shirt next to my Metallica T-shirt, and they don't really get along.
Luke: You really want me to tell her that?
Jess: You think a different band combo would sell it more?

Luke: Wait, you need keys.
Jess: No, I don't. (Leaves)
Luke: I so don't wanna know why.

Luke: You won't bring up the bed?
Lorelai: Oh no, I'll definitely bring up the bed.

Luke: Sorry we're a little late. We had a little misunderstanding about what time we're actually supposed to leave to come here.
Lorelai: It's okay. How's it going?
Luke: Oh, well, not bad. Oh, the bed popped.
Lorelai: Yikes. Was anyone in it?
Luke: Me.
Lorelai: You?
Luke: Yeah, I let him take the real one.

Sookie: I think I'll make grilled cheese.
Jackson: Sookie!
Sookie: Well, what if he doesn't like pot roast?
Jackson: Well, then he'll like the salad, the mashed potatoes, or the corn you're making with the pot roast!
Lorelai: Hey, Sookie, the food smells great!
Sookie: It should. We're gonna make this kid think he died and went to heaven!
Jackson: Or Henry VIII's house.

Jackson: Oh my god. This is a great lemon! Seriously, this is the best lemon I've ever tasted. Sookie, you have to try this lemon.
Sookie: Oh my god. This is a great lemon!
Lorelai:(to Jess) Jackson grows fruit... and then he scares people with it!

Lorelai: Sookie, Jackson, I want you to meet Luke's nephew. This is Jess.
Sookie: Do you eat cheese?
Jess: What?

Rory: Hey Luke.
Luke: Rory.
Rory: Um, I'll have two coffees and two cherry Danishes to go, please.
Luke: Two coffees and two cherry Danishes.
Rory: Oh, and some napkins.
Luke: One of these is for her isn't it?
Rory: Who? Oh, no no no. They're all for me. I am super hungry today. I was debating ordering three, but I'll tell you how I feel after two.
Luke:: Tell you what, I'll give you one Danish and one cup of coffee, you can sit over there and eat, and when you're finished them right over there where I can see you, then I'll bring you a second one.
Rory: You're really just gonna stand there and watch me eat a Danish?
Luke: Cable's out. I'm starved for entertainment.

Gilmore Girls Season 2 Episode 5 Quotes

Luke: Me? Raising a kid? I don't even like kids. They're always sticky like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam on their hands! I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands!
Lorelai: First of all, Jess is 17 so I think he's probably pass the jam hands stage by now. Second of all, you can do this. If you want to you are totally capable.

Rory: Good night, Dodger.
Jess: What?
Rory: Figure it out.
Jess: Oliver Twist.