Gilmore Girls Season 1 Episode 20: "P.S. I Lo..." Quotes
(about the pants she's bought for Luke) I don't know what this fabric is, but I think I want to have its baby.
Lorelai
(on the phone with Mrs. Kim) The one time I need you to be crazy prison guard lady you're all 'hey man, whatever'.
Lorelai
Lorelai: So, last time I saw you, you were headed home. You want to fill in the blanks?
Rory: I don't know. I just snapped and I got sick of everything. I wanted to go anywhere.
Lorelai: So you picked hell?
Emily: (To Rory) Everything will be fine... Richard, say something encouraging.
Richard: Uh... Rory, I'm sorry you're upset, but I applaud your timing.
Rory: Why didn't you tell me you'd been talking?
Lorelai: Because it was too much like the whole Todd and Nevina Cutler thing.
Rory: The what?
Lorelai: When I was in junior high, I had a boyfriend, Todd something or other. Not a soul mate, but I was crazy about him and he dumped me. I was completely crushed and I could do nothing except lie around and cry and listen to Air Supply, very low point in my life. Two days after the breakup my best friend Nevina Cutler got back together with her boyfriend, Randy something or other, who had dumped her days before Todd dumped me. And she was so happy and gloaty and couldn't stop talking about how great it was that she had her boyfriend back that it made me feel horrible.
Rory: The end. Lets go.
Lorelai: Look, I didn't want to be Nevina Cutler, okay? You were so miserable about Dean. What was I supposed to do? Walk in and say, 'Sorry about you and Dean but I got Max back and aren't we happy.' Would that have been good?
Rory: That would've been great.
Dean: So... that's your mom?
Lane: That's my mom.
Dean: Has she seen Patton?
Lane: She's just very uptight about boys.
Dean: I sensed something like that.
Lane: Don't take it personally.
Dean: I know, I'm sure once she gets to know me she'll...
Lane: No, she'll hate you forever. It's just nothing personal.
(Luke is trying on clothes Lorelai bought him)
Luke: I hate you, very much!
Lorelai: Aww, save the sweet talk for Rachel.
Lorelai: (about Dean) I warned him. I warned him when I first met him, if he hurt her...Ah. Maybe I could key his car.
Luke: Better yet. Key Taylor's car and tell him Dean did it.
Lorelai: (Talking about what she has just found in Luke's shopping bag) Pot holders. Little kitty pot holders. (Pulls the tail) They meow.
Luke: It's a present.
Lorelai: For someone you hate?
Dean: (Dean enters Kim's Antiques) Hello? Lane are you here?
Mrs. Kim: (Mrs. Kim pops out from behind a piece of furniture) Who are you? Why you call Lane? How you know her? You date her?
Dean: No.
Mrs. Kim: You try to?
Dean: No!
Mrs. Kim: Then why you here? Empty your pockets!
Dean: OK. I'm gonna go now.
Lane: Dean! Wait! Wait!
Mrs. Kim: Who's Dean?
Dean: I'm Dean.
Mrs. Kim: How you know Dean?
Lane: We go to school together.
Mrs. Kim: You do?
Dean: Yeah, we're science partners.
Mrs. Kim: (to Dean) You! Don't talk! (to Lane) Science partners?
Lane: Yes Mamma. I've invited him over to work.
Mrs. Kim: Work?
Lane: On our science project.
Mrs. Kim:(suspiciously) Reproduction?
Lane: Spores, molds and fungus.
Mrs. Kim: Science project?
Lane: Yes.
Mrs. Kim: For school? You're not dating?
Lane: No Mamma.
Mrs. Kim: Ok. Follow me.
(she leads them to the kitchen)
Mrs. Kim: (to Dean) You! Sit here! (to Lane) You! Sit here! I'm going there. When I come back these chairs will be in the same place. No moving! You understand? (she walks away but turns back to Lane and Dean) I see all!
Paris: Just making an observation.
Rory: Great. We'll build a dome over you and jam a telescope in your head.
Rory: Okay, guy number 3 is crossing the street right now.
Luke: Why am I looking?
Lorelai: Because it's like a train wreck.
Lorelai Aww, no!
Rory: Daddy!
Lorelai: Not Kirk!
Rory: Maybe he'll buy me a pony.
Lorelai: I wanna go back to the old guy.
(Kirk walks in the diner and Luke walks over to him)
Luke: Congratulations man.
Kirk: Uh, thank you.
(Lorelai and Rory start giggling)
Kirk: What?
Lorelai: Nothing
Kirk: Okay, did somebody put the kick me sign on my back again? It wasn't funny last week and it's not funny now! I have asthma.(He leaves the diner)
Rory: Mom, quick he's leaving!
Lorelai: Oh no, Kirk come back, I lo-o-o-ove you! Drat. All right, your turn.
Rory: I don't know Mom. You already got Kirk, how's a girl to top that.
