Rory Gilmore: Any chance you could go faster?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, you got a girl's future in that sack of yours. Santa...
Rory Gilmore: Thank you for adding the Santa.

I've got the good kid.

Lorelai Gilmore

Rory Gilmore: I gotta go, but call me if there's any news.
Lorelai Gilmore: You mean if Michel kills Babette, then Miss Partty, them himself, and then it's a bizarre murder, suicide.
Rory Gilmore: Amongst other things.

Paris Geller: I did tell my mother about having sex with Jamie and her only reaction was to talk about how my father hasn't pleased her in 15 years.
Rory Gilmore: Yikes!
Paris Geller: Like I couldn't tell.

Jackson: So, good show.
Lorelai Yeah! Alex, thank you for getting us those tickets.
Sookie: Great production value.
Jackson: Oh, amazing! I mean the way they do the lighting on these things!
Sookie: It's magical! It is magical.
Alex: This is the worst piece of crap I have ever seen.

Rory: Anything else you want to tell me?
Dean: (Pauses, confused) Corn's two for a dollar?
Rory: Jess has a black eye. Any idea where he got it?
Dean: That would be an extremely long list.

(about Emily's manipulative tactics) She's like Lyndon Johnson with the Senate. Effortless.

Lorelai

Emily: The roast looks perfect. Oh Jess, do you eat meat? I forgot to ask you.
Jess: I'm a carnivore.
Emily: Good, I don't see how anybody could resist meat.
Jess: That's why we have teeth.
Emily: That's how I feel.

Sherry: I can't just stop everything because...
Lorelai: You're having a baby. Admitting it is the first step.

Young Christopher: (in flashback, about baby Rory) She's pretty.
Young Lorelai: She's perfect.
Young Christopher: I guess this means we have to get married now.

If a horse-drawn carriage shows up here, my throwing up will be eternal.

Jess

Lorelai: We want to do it cheap.
Emily: We'll pay.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Grandma, it's going to be fun really.
Lorelai: Kids do it all the time.
Emily: Yes, but you're not a kid.

Gilmore Girls Season 3 Quotes

Rory: Louise, what is your grandmother wearing to graduation?
Louise: Hopefully the pearls I get when she kicks.

Jess: I need ham.
Ceaser: No ham.
Jess: We got a shipment of ham yesterday!
Ceaser: No ham.
Jess: Ceasar, there is a lady over there that has been saying she wants ham for the last twenty minutes and if I go back there empty-handed, there is a fifty-fifty chance that she will eat me!
Ceaser: No ham!
Jess: Then sew some bacon together because that woman is getting ham!