Ella: What are you doing here?
Lady Alex: It's me. It's Alex.
Ella: For Christ's sake I know you name! I haven't been lobotomized. Where are they?
Lady Alex: Who?
Ella: The Marines, MI-6, Interpol, where are they?
Lady Alex: You told me to come alone.
Ella: You didn't actually come alone?

Lady Alex: Where's Tracy?
Hooten: Who?
Lady Alex: The camel.
Hooten: Oh shit!

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Hooten: Well, that's hardcore. What do they want?
Lady Alex: I was meant to come alone. They want this.
Hooten: It's a spoon. She's being held ransom for a spoon?

Hooten: What does that thing say, anyway?
Lady Alex: Love, as Eternity, is nothing if we are alone. Together we shall live through Death, but each of us in our own lives can reach Nirvana by only first showing love.

Lady Alex: I was brought up to wash my hands after I used the lavatory.
Hooten: I was brought up not to pee on my hands.

No mas shooty Hootey.

Penny: Kapila has made sure that Mr. Hooten will come back.
Lady Alex: I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Penny: She's poisoned his tea.

Try not to break any more of the bridge. Other people need to use it.

I'm blind.

Lady Alex: May I ask you something?
Hooten: Can I stop you?
Lady Alex: Who's Ben?
Hooten: Where did you hear that name?
Lady Alex: In your fever, you called out his name.
Hooten: He was my son.
Lady Alex: What do you mean was?
Hooten: I lost him.
Lady Alex: I'm so sorry. What happened to his mother?
Hooten: I lost her, too.

Hooten: Alex?
Lady Alex: I know you're bored. I'm busy trying to get clearance to excavate the site.
Hooten: No need. I skipped that stage.
Lady Alex: What? Why can I hear gunfire?
Hooten: Because I'm being shot at.
Lady Alex: I said stay in the hotel. What have you done?
Hooten: Funny story: you know that shrine entrance you said was here? It isn't where you frigging said it was. Never mind: I never doubted you for a second.

I'm calling that "The Hooten Solution."

Hooten and The Lady Quotes

Alex: None of this would have happened if you hadn't have stolen the skull in the first place. And then we escape by the skin of our teeth, and you just go right ahead and steal it again.
Hooten: I didn't steal anything. Don't give me that, you grave robber.
Alex: What?
Hooten: Wrenching that map from his cold, dead hand.
Alex: That is hardly the same thing.
Hooten: You're right-it's worse. You should be ashamed of yourself. And, you broke his arm off!
Alex: You know, everyone has the right to be stupid, Mr. Hooten, but you really abuse the privilege.

Lady Alexandra: What's that?
Hooten: I grabbed it before we left the camp. It seemed like a smart thing to do.
Lady Alexandra: It looks like meat.
Hooten: Um.
Lady Alexandra: You're eating your horse?
Hooten: It's what she would have wanted.