Charlie: what is your spaghetti policy?
Dee: Are you hearing this? He doesn't belong in a place like this.

Dennis: I am having feelings again. Like some kind of fourteen year old kid. You remember, feelings right?
Mac: Yeah. I have feelings every single day of my life.
Dennis: Do you?
Mac: Are you saying you don't have feelings?
Dennis: What I'm saying is a built up a shell.. a shell around myself. A cold, calculated shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage.

Roxy...God bless you. You were a good whore. You serviced me like no other whore ever did. Not only my crank but my heart.

Frank

Dee: You've been really stressed so I thought I'd take you to a spa day. Just the two of us.
Charlie: A what day?
Dee: Spa day
Charlie: What is this word, spa? I feel like you're starting to a say a word and you're not finishing it. Spaghetti? Are you taking me to a spaghetti day?

Let's pull up our bootstraps, oil up a couple asses, and do a little plowing of our own. POW! (gestures a fist punch up an invisible ass)... Not gay sex.

Mac

I was a five star man before the internet and I’m a five star man now. I just gotta shed the dead weight. God damn it!

Dennis

Frank: I opened up to a therapist just once. I was a kid. I got into a fight. The doctor asked me question after question, got me so scrambled up. Next thing I know, I was shanghai'd upstate to a nitwit school. You know what a nitwit school is?
Therapist: I assume you mean a school for the mentally disabled.
Frank (spits pistachio shell): Yeah, not just for nuts in the head, but bodies, too. Back then science was real crude, they stuck us all together. My roommate was a frog-kid. You ever see a frog-kid?

Naked pics online? That's disgusting. On a website? There's so many of them though. Where? Which one?

Mac

Oh! Shit! Maureen!... That was terrible. Who did those tits!? The nipple placement is crazy.

Dennis

No I don't eat dragon, cause, uh, it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal for kings, and I'm sort of a common man. But they don't eat us, it's a common misconception. They actually eat gold and treasure -- that's why they're always sitting on a pile of it.

Charlie

Mac: Bro, when you tack on mass, you sacrifice flexibility. That's just a straight up fact
Charlie: That's insane. Touch your toes.
Mac: What am I a gymnast?

Frank: I got my first kiss there. (stares off into the distance)
Therapist: Frank?
Frank (breaks down into tears): It was terrible. But not her. She was an angel. Always smiling... that's because she had no lips. But her mouth was still very much in play.
Therapist: Let's talk about the dishes.
Frank: She died two weeks later. She thought she was a spaceman with a plastic bag for a helmet.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Dennis: I am having feelings again. Like some kind of fourteen year old kid. You remember, feelings right?
Mac: Yeah. I have feelings every single day of my life.
Dennis: Do you?
Mac: Are you saying you don't have feelings?
Dennis: What I'm saying is a built up a shell.. a shell around myself. A cold, calculated shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage.

Charlie: what is your spaghetti policy?
Dee: Are you hearing this? He doesn't belong in a place like this.