NCIS
Mondays 9:00 PM on CBSNCIS Season 8 Quotes
(Tony, McGee and Nick enter the elevator)
McGee: You know you still owe me that fifty bucks.
Nick: Talk to my mom, bro.
Magnus: Morning.
(Tony turns to face Magnus wondering who it might be)
Magnus: Gorgeous day.
Tony: It's 27 degrees out. Who are you?
Magnus: My name is Magnus. I'm meeting with Dr. Mallard.
Tony: (Turning to McGee) Is Ducky in the pond yet, McGee?
McGee: (To Magnus) I haven't seen him, you're welcome to wait here though if you'd like?
Magnus: If you don't mind, I'd... I'd like to wait in autopsy.
Tony: (Laughs) You sure? It smells funny.
Magnus: Well that's, er, that's a matter of opinion.
Tony: It's a matter of dead bodies. Stinky!
(Gibbs walks into the squad room)
Gibbs: Come on, grab your gear. Don't wanna miss the school bus.
Tony: Class trip, boss?
Gibbs: Got a dead petty officer in a high school stairwell. Janitor found him this morning.
Tony: Hmm. (Starts singing) Wheels on the bus go...
Gibbs: (Gibbs joins in) ...round and round, round and round, round and round...
(Tony is staring at Ziva's desk wondering where she might be)
McGee: So... where is she?
Tony: Who?
McGee: Tony, Ziva's been gone since Thursday.
Tony: Oh... yes, Ziva! Actually, I hadn't noticed.
McGee: You are lying.
Tony: McGoo, unlike you, I have better things to do than to obsess over the whereabouts of our "Little Miss Fancy-Pants", Ziva.
(Ziva, Tony and McGee are discussing Ziva's vacation with her elusive boyfriend)
McGee: So when do we get to meet him? And please tell us his name!
Tony: Oh no! Please, let me guess. Zeus? Er...Thor?
Ziva: His name is Ray.
Tony: Ray! What a nice little name! Ray, like Ray Crocker, Ray Charles, Sugar Ray...
Ziva: Erm...I promise you, Ray is a good man.
(Tony smiles at her jokingly before he realises she is being serious)
(Ziva walks into the squad room)
Tony: Ah, thought you were in Miami? You look... positively alpine.
Ziva: He came to me. We went skiing again, this time to Vermont.
Tony: (Laughs) Vermont! That's... so quaint! They have all those lovely little country inns and cozy fires and sticky maple syrup that gets everywhere.
Ziva: He enjoys nature, and I discovered that he's a fantastic cook. He made this delicious osso buco.
Tony: Aren't you lucky? So, he's a real renaissance man?
Ziva: He is an experienced man who knows how to appreciate life. There is a difference.
Ducky: Tony! Meet former medical examiner, and my esteemed predecessor, Dr Walter Magnus. Magnus is my guest.
Gibbs: Bringing guests to crime scenes now, are you, Duck?
Ducky: Yes, well, only ones that used to be me!
(Paul Simmons is sitting in the Navy recruitment office)
Recruiter: Well, Paul, why don't we discuss your options?
Paul: I really think the Navy can offer me the opportunities that I'm looking for. I'm ready to serve my country and I wanna be a part of something special.
(Paul smiles as he looks towards Gibbs who is stood in the background listening in)
Tony: What's goin' on here? We being replaced by younger models?
Ziva: I am a younger model.
Tony: If that was intended to hurt me you've succeeded.
Ziva: And we are not being replaced. They are from Waverly University.
Tony: Oh yeah. That's right. Director Vance's internship program. It's not a good idea. Feeds McGee's need to have groupies.
Abby: Also, you are not to touch my computer, my lab equipment, my MP3 player, my CafPow, my desk or Bert my farting hippo, without my express written consent.
Intern: Well, how am I gonna' do anything?
Abby: And there's no cameras or flash photography.
Intern: Well, I don't have a camera.
Abby: And if I accidentally turn my back to you, you are to immediately move back into my eyeline.
Intern: Why don't I just wear bells?
Abby: That's a really good idea. I mean I'm sorry about this.. I mean Darren worked out but, I just had problems with people that have been assigned to my lab. (Abby pulls out a collar with bells) It'll just be better this way.
Intern: I uh, I'm not putting those on.
Abby: Oh no, actually you are.
Intern: No I'm not.
Abby: Except for the fact that you are.
Doug: Stop talking to me like that.
Tony: Stop lying to me like that.
That is why it is called a batnap.
Ziva
