Next time you leave the country on assignment, Bishop? Tell your brothers!

Gibbs

Fear often makes people do things they shouldn't. But that's human.

Qasim

Trust only works when it goes both ways.

Qasim

What, you guys want my lunch money, or...?

Torres [surrounded by Bishop's brothers]

Bishop's Brother [regarding Ellie's boyfriend]: We just want to make sure he's not a deranged serial killer!
Bishop's Other Brother: Or a vegan!

Did you just read an ellipsis out loud?

Quinn

McGee: What are you doing?
Anthony DiNozzo Senior: Changing the subject!

Anthony DiNozzo Senior: I was hoping you would have some words of wisdom?
Gibbs: ...Nope!

He was a Marine. [Gibbs stares at him meaningfully.] ...And always will be.

Torres

I love animals, but I think I'd love my husband more.

Abby

Abby: Gibbs, I can't have a conversation by myself!
Gibbs: It's never stopped you before.

McGee: How do you sleep at night?!
Torres: On my back. Naked.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott